#but I think everyone was using pictures of that video today for tribute because that’s THEIR video

[loganslowdown4]

[odinsblog]

“I first started noticing the journalists dying on Instagram. I'm a journalist, I'm Arab, and I've reported on war. A big part of my community is other Arab journalists who do the same thing.

And when someone dies, news travels fast. Recently, I pulled up the list that the Committee to Protect Journalists has been keeping and looked at it for the first time. There are 95 journalists and media workers on it as of today.

Almost everyone on it is Palestinian. Scrolling through, I started to get angry. These were the people carrying the burden of documenting this whole war.

Israel is not allowing foreign journalists into Gaza, except on rare occasions with military escorts. These people's names are being buried in a giant list that keeps growing. What I want to do is lift some of them off the list for a moment and give you a glimpse of who they were and the work they made.

I'll start with Sadi Mansour. Sadi was the director of Al-Quds News Network, and he posted a 22-second video on November 18. That was a report from the war, but it also gave me a picture into his marriage.

Sadi's wearing his press vest and looks exhausted. He's explaining that cell service and the Internet keep getting cut off, and it's often impossible to text or call anyone, including his wife. So they've resorted to using handwritten letters to communicate while he's out reporting, sending them back and forth with neighbors or colleagues.

He ends the video with a picture of one of these letters from his wife. In it, she writes,

‘Me and the kids stayed up waiting for you until the morning, and you didn't come home. We were really sad.

I kept telling the kids, Look, he's coming. But you didn't show up. May God forgive you.

Come home tomorrow and eat with us. Do you want me to make you kebab or maybe kapse? Bring your friends with you, it's okay.

And give Azeez the battery to charge. What do you think about me sending you handwritten letters with messenger pigeons from now on? Ha ha ha.

I'm just kidding. I want to curse at you, but we're living in a war. Too bad.

Okay, I love you. Bye.’

A few hours after he shared that letter, Sadie and his co-worker Hassouna Saleem were at Sadie's home, when they were killed by an Israeli air strike that hit his house.

His wife and kids, who weren't there, survived.

Gaza is tiny, and the journalist community is really close. Reading the list, you can see all the connections between people. Like with Brahim Lafi.

Brahim was a photojournalist, one of the first journalists to die. He was killed while reporting on October 7. He was just 21, still new to journalism.

On his Instagram, you can see that in his posts just a few years ago, he was still practicing his photography, taking pictures of coffee cups and flowers. Then he started doing beautiful portraits and action shots. You can really feel him starting to become a journalist.

Clicking around on Instagram, I found a tribute post about Brahim from his co-worker Rushdie Sarraj. In this photo, Brahim staring intently at the back of a camera, his face lit up by the light from the viewfinder. He looks so young.

The caption reads, My assistant is gone. Brahim is gone. Rushdie himself was a beloved journalist and filmmaker.

And I know that because he's also on the list. He was killed just two weeks after Brahim. I read the tribute post to him too.

I saw this over and over again. Journalists posting tributes, who were then killed themselves soon after. And a tribute goes up for them.

And then the pattern continues.

Thank you.

Something else I saw over and over on the list, journalists later in the war who had become aware that they could be making their last reports. They'd say it at the beginning of their videos. And those were the hardest to watch, especially when it was true.

One video like that was posted by Ayat Hadduro. Ayat was a freelance journalist and video blogger. Her videos before the war covered a wide range from what I can tell, interviews about women in politics.

She even appeared in a commercial for ketchup-flavored chips. She clearly liked being in front of the camera. Once the war started, Ayat's pivoted to covering bombings and food shortages.

On November 20, she posted a video report from her home. You can hear the airstrikes hitting very close to where she is. It's scary.

‘This is likely my last video. Today, the occupation forces dropped phosphorus bombs on Beit Lahya area and frightening sound bombs. They dropped letters from the sky, ordering everyone to evacuate.

Everyone ran into the streets in the craziest way. No one knows where to go.

But everyone else has evacuated. They don't know where they're going. The situation is so scary.

What's happening is so tough, and may God have mercy on us.’

She was killed later that day.

Targeting journalists, in case you didn't know, is a war crime. So far, the Committee to Protect Journalists has found that three of the journalists on the list were explicitly targeted by the IDF, the Israeli military. Investigations by the Washington Post and Reuters, Human Rights Watch and the United Nations have also raised serious questions in these three cases.

And the Committee to Protect Journalists is investigating 10 other killings. When we reached out to the IDF for comments, they said, quote, the IDF has never, and will never, deliberately target journalists. That's the answer they always give in these situations.

Meanwhile, dozens of seasoned reporters have fled Gaza. Journalists who worked for Al Jazeera, the BBC, the New York Times, the Washington Post, Reuters, Agence France-Presse. So many media offices were demolished in Israeli airstrikes that the Committee to Protect Journalists stopped counting.

It's not just individual lives that have been destroyed. It's an entire infrastructure.

Thank you.

The name on the list that was hardest for me to look at was Issam Abdullah, because I'd crossed paths with him once. Issam was a Lebanese journalist, a video journalist for Reuters for many, many years. He had just won an award for coverage of Ukraine.

I'm Lebanese and still report there sometimes, and I'd worked with Issam a couple of summers ago. He helped me film a sort of random story in Beirut. I was interviewing this entrepreneur who had started a sperm freezing company after an accident where he spilled a tray of hot coffee on his private area, burning himself.

I know, ridiculous. It was a really silly shoot. Right after we said cut and started to rap, Issam started this whole bit about being in his late 30s, reconsidering his own sperm quality and everything he now realized he was doing to hurt it, and no one could stop laughing.

It was a really good day that felt good to remember and to remember him that way. Issam was killed by the IDF on October 13. His death was one of the three that the Committee to Protect Journalists has identified as a targeted killing.

He was fired upon by an Israeli tank while standing in an empty field on the Lebanon-Israel border with a small group of other journalists. Everyone was wearing press vests with cameras out. They were covering the Hezbollah part of this war.

A few other journalists were injured in the attack, which was captured on video. The IDF says they were responding to firing from Hezbollah, not targeting the journalists. But multiple investigations, including by Reuters, the United Nations, Amnesty International and the AFP, found no evidence of any firing from the location of the journalists before the IDF shot at them.

The journalists in the group and video footage confirmed that there was no military activity near them. I had only met Issam once, barely knew him, but it affected me so much when he died. I know that he understood the risks of his job, but somehow it still felt so random and unfair that he would be struck down like that, following the rules, wearing his press vest and helmet, and a pack of reporters on a sunny day in an open field.

I find myself thinking about him all the time. His last Instagram post was commemorating another journalist, this iconic reporter Shereen Abou Aql who had been killed by the IDF. When I first saw that post in October, I thought how ironic because a week later, Isam also was killed by the IDF.

But then, after spending time reading the list, I realized how common this had become. I still haven't finished going through the list and looking up the people on it. I keep finding things that stick with me, like the funny way this one radio host would cut off a caller who was rambling on for too long.

A tweet from reporter Al-Abdallah that quoted Sylvia Plath. It read, What ceremony of wars can patch the havoc? I'm going to keep going down the list, even though this story is over now.

Just for myself. My own way of bearing witness. Which is, in the end, all that these journalists were trying to do.”

—DANA BALLOUT, The 95. Dana sifts through a very long list—the list of journalists killed in the Israel-Hamas war, and comes back with five small fragments of the lives of the people on it. Dana is a Lebanese-American, Emmy-nominated documentary producer.

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

Okay I'll write in points here because it's long

It started with Freddie saying something like they are gonna stay together until they die and I thought how poignant it is in hindsight.

I loved Brian May's insights the starting was very sweet with him telling us that him and Freddie shared rooms for a decade, that he knows him really well and about how shy he was until firmly saying that he was gay even if people don't want to believe it. There was another person saying the same thing, I forgot her name but I think it's unfortunate that it's really common for people to outright ignore or deny any queer artists' identity just because they don't want to deal with whatever biases they have going.

Roger Taylor was really mad about the media/tabloids attacking Freddie and I get it especially The Sun because it's still trash today. Just vile and immoral for no reason.

Then it went to them saying that the band had a guess of what's going on with Freddie because they saw him disappear for treatments and coming back with scars but not wanting to believe it so they just never brought it and made a whole album before Freddie ultimately told them.

All the pictures with Jim Hutton were really cute I have to say and his sister saying that she was told that he was the gardener but he was around every time she went to her brother's house so she put 2+2 together lol.

The minute Anita Dobson came on screen I was trying to remember where I had seen her then I remembered it was the doctor who clips that were going viral on Twitter. But she seems so sweet and she had really cute story about how she became friends with Freddie and how he introduced her to Jim. She did say that Freddie told her when he couldn't sing anymore he'll die and that's she thinks what happened. She also seemed really sad that she lost contact with Jim I guess they were close.

Also I got more songs from this documentary so I'm really happy about that, I just googled the lyrics.

I didn't know Elton John was really close with Freddie, he seemed so heartbroken in all the videos they played of him.

Also Joe Elliot was there that was a surprise, was he friends with Freddie? I know I have heard Robert Plant talk about Freddie Mercury before. I secretly adore the idea of all these frontman that people like to pit against each other being friends in real life.

I might watch the tribute concert or atleast the George Micheal's part of it, he sounded so good and David Bowie was clapping from the sidelines during the rehearsal ( I get it, he was superb )

I feel like I got insights to the entire band' dynamic so thats nice because we have all heard Bands going like oh we like each other, we are a family but when one of you is gone and how the rest treat their memory is the true test of that.

I'll respond in bullet points lol

Brian was great in the documentary, and is one of Freddie's most consistent defenders, especially in regards to his sexuality. I love when Brian talks about knowing Freddie so well through sharing rooms and talking about his shyness, because you can just feel the fondness there and get the distinct sense that he loved Freddie the human being as opposed to the showman, which can't be said for everyone who knew Freddie

Yeah, The Sun was particularly vile, and the band really hated the press. Brian wrote the song "Scandal" in 1989 for the album, The Miracle, because the press was hounding Freddie (and Brian about his affair and divorce, but that's another story). I can't remember if this documentary mentioned it, but the fact that the press had set up a camera to see into Freddie's bathroom is just so vile

The Miracle is the album that they made before Freddie told them the truth. If you listen to the album, there are a couple songs hinting at what's going on, because as you saw, the band knew something was wrong. Fun fact: one of Brian's favorite songs that Freddie wrote is "The Miracle" because Freddie was able to write about beautiful things while he was sick

Lol yes, Kashmira knowing that Jim was Freddie's partner was funny

Yep, Anita was in Doctor Who! Her most famous role was in EastEnders in the 80s. There's another interview where she talked about an episode of that show being viewed by millions of people, and overnight people knew her face, and Freddie called her up like, "Guess who's in the paper, darling ;)" Anita was a true friend to Freddie and visited him while he was ill with Brian. Yeah, her theory that Freddie stopped fighting when he couldn't sing anymore lines up...Freddie's last song was "Mother Love"; Brian was the one who wrote it, but Freddie had to go home before it was finished because he was feeling unwell. He said he'd be back, but he never returned to the studio...And yeah, that doc revealed that Anita kept in touch with Jim to some extent. I really wonder what that relationship was like

Yes, Elton John was very close to Freddie! He still tears up when he talks about receiving a Christmas gift from Freddie a mere month after he passed...

I can't remember with the Joe Elliott thing tbh. I think he knew Freddie? I also feel like I'm remembering that he called up Brian after Freddie passed to check in on him, so maybe he was on friendly terms with the band, yeah

The doc does show how close the band was towards the end and how protective Brian and Roger are of Freddie's memory at the very least, yeah. It's really a great doc and I'm glad you watched it and got something out of it

[dippedanddripped]

Old Nollywood aesthetics and fashion may be considered trendy today, but the films were not always so well-regarded. In the 90s and early 2000s, when these movies were made and watched in parlours across Nigerian homes as they were shot, straight-to-video, they were considered as bad entertainment, or ‘low culture’. To watch and enjoy Nollywood films was to celebrate mediocrity. But today, nostalgic young Millennials and Gen Zers are overlooking the jarring audio, grainy pictures, and sometimes hammy acting, to appreciate not only the grooming and style of the actors, but the original and diverse stories that reflect unique Nigerian experiences.

It was for this reason that sisters Tochi and Ebele Anueyiagu started Nolly Babes, a nostalgic Instagram account dedicated to celebrating the cinematic period’s women. Started in December 2017, their first post was of Nollywood’s biggest star Genevieve Nnaji; a still taken from 2004 film Sharon Stone In Abuja, directed by Adim Williams. Nnaji plays the titular character, a sexually liberated young woman who uses her beauty and charm to ensnare unassuming men into doing her bidding.

The account is an ode to the female characters of old Nollywood who were often portrayed as warning examples. The storylines were steeped in moral principles rooted in the patriarchal culture and the dominant Christian religion of Southern Nigeria. A large number of the female characters were considered immoral because they kissed other women, challenged men, smoked and drank, or wore mini skirts. Today, Nolly Babes and similar accounts are reimagining these women, taking their scenes out of the moralistic context of the films, and turning them into iconic feminist personas.

The first time Nollywood content seeped into the mainstream internet consciousness can be traced back to 2017 when videos of Nollywood’s favourite comedic duo Chinedu Ikedieze and Osita Iheme, better known as Aki and Pawpaw, rose to popularity due mostly to the influence of a now-defunct Twitter account @nollywoodroll ran by Nicole, a woman based in Brazil.

Their memes became the go-to reaction videos for expressing a wide range of emotions: joy, disappointment, sadness, frustration. The appeal was in seeing children making mischief or in adult situations – drinking beer and smoking cigars, wooing bigger women, or in oversized suits shouting instructions at people twice their size. Although both Ikedieze and Iheme were in their 20s in the early 2000s when most of the films were made, they mostly played children because of their body stature. By 2019, the memes had achieved such virality that brands like Rihanna’s Fenty would use them for social media clout.

Theodora Imaan Beauvais is the curator of Yung Nollywood, another archive of clips and stills from old Nollywood paying homage to its controversial female characters, after screenshotting moments from Nollywood she found “appealing or inspirational”. Yung Nollywood is remarkably distinct from Nolly Babes for its subtitling of the films’ stills from Nollywood films, something she attributes to Tumblr. While the idea to give witty captions to the actors’ facial expressions came from watching Netflix. “I thought, ‘If someone could describe Nollywood reactions in short phrases it’d be an art form on its own,’ and I became that someone.’”

In December 2019, Tochi and Ebele hosted a Nollywood-themed party in Lagos. Nollywood actor and musician Nonso Bassey attended the party dressed in a two-piece jean set and bucket hat, a signature look of the bad boy/alpha male archetype, and a role reprised multiple times by older actors such as Hanks Anuku, Emeka Ike, and Jim Iyke. Since that party, Nonso has attended social functions and premieres in outfits that make a nod to the fashion choices of that era of Nollywood. He insists, though, that he isn’t cosplaying Nollywood characters of that era. “I’ve always been attracted to the idea of merging old world charm with a new school approach,” he said.

The party caused a cultural stir amongst Nigerians and Africans both at home and in the diaspora – every other week, there seems to be a Nollywood-themed party held either in Lagos or London. Take for instance friends and business partners Imani Okunubi and Aseosa Uwagboe, two Nigerian-British kids who grew up in the UK. Nollywood was one of the ways they could connect back to their roots. That experience informs their event brand, Lasgidi to London, targeted at Nigerians living in the UK. “We wanted to create events that were reminiscent of the Naija hall parties (Owambe) we attended as kids, as we don’t want to see that culture die,” Aseosa said. Their next owambe is a Nollywood-themed party and guests are expected to come dressed in their “best nolly Y2K aesthetic”.

Below, the Nolly Babes sisters talk about creating and hosting the first Nollywood-themed party and the cultural moment it has inspired.

How did that first event come about – please take me through it, from the planning to how it turned out?

Nolly Babes: From the inception of Nolly Babes, we knew we had to throw a party. Fashion is a huge part of what makes Nolly Babes different from other Nollywood-themed pages and we knew we were the only ones that could set Nolly Babes as the dress code and have people commit as they did. There are many iconic Nollywood scenes and scenarios. The daughter meeting her evil mother-in-law, the ominous visit to the Babalawo, the campus stroll – just the mere mention of these scenes evokes images that have been embedded in the minds of our fellow Nollywood enthusiasts. The party scene is probably the most iconic of them all. Whether it’s in a club, a mansion while mum and dad are out of town (but coming home early to crash the whole thing) or poolside, the Nolly Babes party scene has its staples: mad music, dancing, and sick outfits.

December in Lagos is notoriously hectic. On each day, there are day parties, beach hangouts, concerts, and we just knew we had to be a part of it. Our flyer was the first thing we made sure was done right, and that has been replicated (but never duplicated) many many times. We went through at least six drafts of that until we got the flyer to be a realistic replica of the home video covers from the golden era. The DJs Kemi Lijadu and vIVENDII Sounds understood the assignment and played music from the Nolly Babes era. We’re talking Tony Tetuila, Mo Hitz, Wande Coal, Plantation Boyz… We curated a special cocktail menu: Genny Colladas, Jim Iyke’s Hard Lemonade, MargaRita Dominic, and our Lagos Island Iced Tea, in tribute to Nollywood stars Genevieve Nnaji, Jim Iyke, and Rita Dominic respectively. We had a video projection on the famous red wall at Nok showing a mashup of emblematic scenes. We were partying while seeing images of a young Jim Iyke dressed just like many of the attendees were dressed. It was magical! We have an event we’re planning in New York for the summer – it’s going to be a madness.

Did you envisage it becoming the cultural movement it’s now become?

Nolly Babes: We really didn’t. We hosted the party because we knew people were taking inspiration from our page for styling jobs and music video treatments, and wanted to give everyone a chance to recreate some of their favourite looks. Now every week we see people planning Nollywood-themed parties and sending people to our page for references. It’s awesome. Toke Makinwa even recently attended a Nolly Babes-themed party and she was dressed as a character we have immortalised – Regina Askia in President’s Daughter. She killed it! Even though the character wasn’t referenced, it was clear as day and it was awesome to see that she pulled it off! Honestly, when we see people really pay attention to detail and execute the theme well it’s so, so dope.

How has TikTok helped grow Nollywood's influence? You posted a scene from Girls Cot, the famous “you stink with poverty” clip on TikTok and it went viral and birthed these recreations even by non-Africans.

Nolly Babes: We’re just happy to see that another aspect of Nollywood that we champion – the iconic scenes and one-liners – is also resonating across the world. We see Nolly Babes as an archival work and as much as we focus on beauty and looks on Instagram, it’s nice to be able to point people in the direction of the scenes that are forever embedded in our brains. These are scenes we recreated in jest ourselves before there was even a Nolly Babes to begin with, so to see it catching on TikTok is exciting and a new frontier for us to fully explore. I think what distinguishes Nolly Babes from other Nollywood pages and what contributes to our TikTok success is that we really watch Nollywood movies. We grew up watching these movies and continue to do so now so we can capture those moments in films that the casual consumer or poster of Nollywood content might not.

What are your thoughts on Nollywood’s influence on the Alté scene? Music videos of artists such as Lady Donli and Odunsi nod to the aesthetic and fashion styles of that era.

Nolly Babes: Nollywood, and specifically the aesthetic we have shone a spotlight on, is probably one of the biggest influences in terms of visuals in that scene right now. I have never seen so many Eucharia (Anunobi) eyebrows on TV and we love it! It’s awesome to see our images and scenes being used in treatments and storyboards. If we’re being candid, we think it would be great if we got the chance to step into our stylist/creative direction bag and help with the execution of the aesthetic.

“The bottom line is really that Nolly Babes has brought what was already an international cultural influence to the modern social media realm with a new lens” – Nolly Babes

How far do you see Nollywood's influence on pop culture, beyond Nigeria and Africa?

Nolly Babes: When we moved to New York we found our Dominican and South American friends had also grown up watching Nollywood films. The bottom line is really that Nolly Babes has brought what was already an international cultural influence to the modern social media realm with a new lens. Nollywood clips were online everywhere – but it was always in a comedic way. Aki and PawPaw are meme gods now, and that’s because their expressions transcend cultural boundaries. Black Twitter eats that stuff up.

Nolly Babes chooses to center the beauty, style, and iconic imagery, even the home decor with our #NollyDecor hashtag of the golden era of Nollywood. We share the makeup, accessories, fashion, iconic phrases, and scenes in a way that isn’t just comedic but inspirational and aesthetically groundbreaking. I see Nollywood being at the centre of this Y2K resurgence that is happening all over the world, from TV to runways and fashion collections. That era is coming back around and, this time, the Black experience is being revisited and centered in a way it wasn’t back in the late 90s and 2000s. (Black people) were always the originators of the trends and this time they’re tapping into the source and Nollywood, particularly the era we celebrate as Nolly Babes, is a great resource for that.

Follow Nolly Babes on Instagram

[kolsmikaelson]

fwb part three- sidney crosby

word count-2k+ | warnings- none i believe| join my taglist| gif credits to owner. gif is not mine.|pronouns used: they/them| not proofread but enjoy!

“I want you to meet geno.” 

Those were the words that had been ringing through your head for the past few hours since sidney said them to you. A simple six word sentence, yet it held so much meaning behind it, sidney didn't have to tell you that for you to know.Geno is his best friend, everyone knows that. It had been two and a half months since you and Sidney had confessed your feelings for each other. You had grown closer since that night, even going to games of his in his jersey,a gift from him of course. You spent so much time at his home and vice versa, although he had never come over when Jaz was home.

You had agreed to meeting geno after the next game sidney invited you to. Before the game had started you were sitting in the stands fidgeting nervously until Sidney skated your way and pressed his glove to the glass after kissing it. You did the same before he skated away mouthing a quick good luck and making a heart with your hands in his direction.

A few hours later the game ended with another win under the penguins belt. You walk towards where Sidney said the dressing rooms are located waiting patiently. Not even ten minutes later, Sidney walked out with Geno by his side, both with smiles on their faces. Sidney spots you and immediately rushes your way and wraps his arms around your waist pressing a kiss to your forehead. Pulling away he starts to introduce geno to you.

“Geno, this is y/n. Y/n this is geno.” he said with a smile adorning his face. Geno holds his hand out and brings you into a quick hug. “Hi geno. Great job out there tonight.” you congratulate him after seeing him get a goal earlier that night. “Thanks y/n.” he says as the smile on his face widens and a twinkle in his eye. “Ready to go?” he questions. With a confused look you turn towards sidney, “go where? What did you tell me?” you say with a laugh. Sidney shakes his head before explaining that Geno wanted to take you and Sid out for a late dinner, to get to know you better. Nodding, “Yeah lets go.” you murmur happily.

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Half an hour later you,sidney, and geno were sitting at a table at sidneys favorite restaurant. All three of you laugh till your cheeks are hurting from smiling and faces are warm from laughing. Geno had been making jokes all night trying to make you feel more comfortable around him, having sensed your anxiousness beforehand. You’d gotten up and headed towards the bathroom after finishing your food for the night.

“I like them. Seems good for you.” geno said when you were out of sight. Sidney could have sworn his heart got bigger at his comment. Happy that his best friend approved of the person he was slowly falling for. He hadn't wanted to fully admit it yet, still hurt from his last relationship, but he knew he was falling. He was falling for y/n l/n hard, and he could only hope you were doing the same. “Thanks geno, really. Means a lot to me.” Sidney stumbles over his words still lost in thought about you, a lovestruck smile on his face. This wasn't what was meant to happen between the two of you he thinks, he is glad it did though. Thinking about it now he doesnt think he could have done just no strings attached. He is sure that he would have fallen for you eventually. Moments later you're back at the table resting a hand on top of sidneys while talking about something new with geno. The feeling of your hand on his breaks Sidney out of his thoughts. It’s only when a waitress comes over and says it’s closing time that the three of you get up to leave.

When you’re all out in the parking lot, you and geno say your goodbyes to each other before you get into the passenger side of sidney's car, letting him and geno have their ‘bro moment’ with each other.

Once Sidney gets settled in the car he faced you and just stared. He didn’t think that tonight could have gone any better than it had. “So..how was it? Did you have a good time? Did you li-” you cut him off with a laugh, “it was fantastic sid, he’s amazing. Thank you for introducing me to him. I know how important he is to you.” “You know, he never liked my ex, at least not half as much as he likes you.” Sidney mumbles, “ i’m glad he likes you more y/n. I know i definitely do.” And with that, Sidney started the drive back to his home where you would be spending the night.

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The next morning you woke up before sidney, which almost never happens due to his busy schedule. You decide to take this time and admire him while he sleeps. All the tension left from his face, his chest slowly rising and falling. You know that with his one thousandth game coming up today, he was getting more and more nervous about it, but you believe in him, you know he can do it. You decide you wanna make him a special breakfast for the day so when he wakes up he doesn't have to worry about it.

Once you're in the kitchen, you get all the ingredients to make his favorite pancakes. You immediately start cooking in hopes that Sidney will still be asleep when you’re finished. Unfortunately for you sidney wakes up and finds you in the kitchen half way through you cooking. “What are you up so early for baby?” he mutters, only out of bed because when he reached for you he hadn’t found you. “I wanna stay with you for as long as possible today beforei gotta go to the rink.” he says into your neck, wrapping his arms around you. “Go back to bed. I wanna make this special since it’s your special day.” you shoo him away. Holding his hands up in surrender, “alright, alright, you better be back in bed soon. It’s cold without you.” he pouts. You nod before finishing the cooking and bringing it all to Sidneys room for him.

‘Ta daaa.” you say in a sing-song voice, making Sidney grin. Which only widens when you hand him the plate and what you say to him after. “Hey sid, i know how stressed you’ve been the past few weeks but i know you are gonna be amazing tonight. Win or lose. I’ll be cheering you on and you know I will be. I am so sorry I can't come to the game tonight but thanks for letting me be part of your special day either way handsome.” With tears filling his eyes,he pulls you close to him muttering his thanks over and over. You smile while watching him eat the breakfast you had made him thinking about how excited you were for that night. You told him that you weren't able to come to the game that night because of work, but you had actually contacted geno and had it set up so you could surprise him. “Time for you to get ready for your big day babe.” you say excitedly.

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It was finally time. You made sure everything was perfect beforehand. Sidney was watching his tribute video, teary eyed but the biggest smile you’d seen before adorning his face. It was finally the ending of the video which made you sigh in relief. Sidney thought the video had ended but when he hears your voice his head pops up immediately, watching the screen carefully. “Hey sid, i hope you know how proud of you i am. You’ll do fantastic tonight…” after a few more moments of your video you say one last thing,”Hey sid? Turn around for me would you?” confused he whips his head around , he sees you standing there in his jersey, with tear filled eyes you rush towards him and jump into his arms. “What are you doing here y/n? I thought you had to work?” laughing you shake your head, “nope, had to make sure i was here for your big day. Now get out there and kick some ass for me yeah?”

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You go towards the dressing room after the game, a big smile on your face, happy that sid was able to win his one thousandth game.

“Hey love.” you heard from behind you pulling you out of your thoughts. Whipping around, you come face to face with a smiley Sidney, as happy as you think you had ever seen him. He picks you up into a hug and spins you around. “Gimme your phone, I wanna take a picture of us to remember this night.” he says as he puts you back down. You pull your phone out of your bag and open the camera for him while he pulls you close and takes picture after picture of you together. He takes one of him kissing your cheek, one of you kissing his cheek, one of you both making funny faces at the camera, and the list goes on, but he calls geno over to take one last photo of the two of you hugging. “I think it’s safe to say we won't be forgetting this night any time soon huh sid?” you tease looking through the photos he took. “Lets head back to my place now yeah?” he asks after saying his goodbyes to geno. You nod grabbing his hand leading him into the parking garage.

Once you and Sidney are finally back at his home,you lead him into the kitchen where you had some of his favorite food prepared for him ahead of time, thanks to jaz who came over during the game to make it, and sat him down to celebrate the night. After you had both finished you led him towards the bedroom to celebrate his win a bit more for the night.

--------

The next morning you wake up with a smile on your face and a soreness between your legs from the night before. Sidney had his arms wrapped around you and they only tightened when you tried to get up. You nudge him softly mumbling his name, “sid, i have to pee let me up” only to hear a groan in response, “Five more minutes baby, please.” laughing you agree, “only five more minutes okay we both have to be up soon anyway.” you feel him hum into your neck in response “whatever you say baby, love being here with you.” your heart flutters at his statement , not quite sure if he really meant it considering he was still half asleep but you told yourself that he did mean it.

Five minutes later, just as promised, Sidney let you up and woke up for the day as well. You come out of the bathroom to the welcoming scent of sidneys cooking, walking through his room you grab a random hoodie of his and throw it over your bare body as you leave the room. You find Sidney at the stove and walk up behind him and wrap your arms around his waist while pressing kisses to his bare back. “Mornin baby.” you mutter into his back. He turns around in your hold and picks you up, wrapping your legs around him, clinging onto his body like a koala was one of your new favorite things. You hadn't done it many times before but each time was just as special as the last. “ that my hoodie babe?” he teases, knowing it is his with his number on the sleeve. “Mhm it’s soft. And it’s mine now.” you joke. With a laugh in his voice sidney agrees, “yeah okay baby okay.” with a shake of his head he sets you back on the ground and turns around to finish his cooking. “Hey sid,” you call out with a smirk, “yeah babe?” he questioned, “nice ass.”

taglist- @samsteel @joshsandersons @stars-canucks @2manytabsopen @only-goalies-allowed @passthehockeyplease @sidscrosbyy

[1ddotdhq]

◟̽◞̽ Tues 24 Nov ‘20 🐠

Grammy Nominations and Live Shows OH MY!!

LOUIS’ BACK!!! And I don’t mean “oh he liked something on Instagram” or “oh he tweeted about a RHCP concert”, I mean he’s going to be doing a VEEPS LIVESHOW! And so we solve the mystery of the Spotify vids (they were a stage!): a few hours before the announcement, he tweeted, “Hope you’re all doing alright. Exciting stuff coming up!!”, and then left the masses to wonder what could possibly be happening and when. Three anxious hours later: “So excited to announce that I’m getting my band and crew back together to put on a special show for you all that will be streamed December 12 [!!!adkhfkadhfjj!!!] and will be available for 28 hours after. The show will support 5 important causes very close to my heart”. The causes Louis Tomlinson Live From London will support are FareShare (they redistribute food to communities in need), CrewNation (the LiveNation COVID crew fund), StageHand (similar to CrewNation, but UK based), Bluebell Wood Children’s Hospice, and paying Louis' own touring crew! The tickets go on sale TOMORROW. If you can't afford one, Luke Massie (founder and CEO of Vibe Tickets) is giving funds away on twitter to fans who want to watch the show! “I’ll do my best to help as many of you as I can see him and his amazing crew perform,” he said. Louis has said that there is no cap on the ticket sales, so I’m taking him at his word and hoping that Veeps is prepared for what's about to happen (they're REALLY not lol.)

And that’s not all!! The press release for the show promised “songs from… ‘Walls”...alongside a few surprises” (I - could it - new music????), as well as “an exclusive range of new merchandise” that comes out tomorrow! The merch proceeds will go to the charities listed above. And! The Telegraph published an interview! Louis promises AN UPCOMING NEW ALBUM (“I had basically penciled down a plan before corona took over our lives”). He says again that he wants to move into the KMM style rock sound, “I think there were some songs where I took slightly more risk and owned what I love, saying, this is who I want to be..there is a certain energy in [KMM], in its delivery, in its attitude, that I want to recreate. People are struggling at the moment so I want to create a raucous, exciting atmosphere in my live show, not a somber, thoughtful one.” He says that he wants this next album to be more optimistic, because that is who he is, but new songwriting is HARD during a pandemic: for him (like for all of us), his days have fallen into a routine, and so he has no ‘new experiences’ to draw from. And, once again, Louis brings up John Frusciante and how he “fucking wishes” he could chat with him. Louis - drop your RHCP stan account PLEASE! We also learned that fans were RIGHT in speculating that he’s been in LA recently (though likely not for the reason the Telegraph wants us to think). About his travels, Louis says, “[The spot he goes to] is remote and kind of weird, and I’m going to go there for three days and write. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to it... it’s got some very interesting (peculiar?) locals who live there...it feels like you’re going back in time when you’re there.” ANY COMMENT, @/visiteroda??? And, in a rare look ahead, Louis reveals that he wants to manage an all-women’s rock band playing instruments (hey, friend, you know where women could play instruments? YOUR OWN BAND, MY DUDE! Just a suggestion). He said that his process with Syco had become “challenging and frustrating” because the kinds of artists he wants to develop aren’t “ready-made” - he sees a lot of artists that were “rough and ready” but labels want to see “something that works straight away”. But with Syco dust in the wind he can get back to it: HELL YEAH! The band he’s currently got his eyes on is Fickle Friends (an indie Brighton all-female rock band); he says this is the kind of band he wants to manage, “because there’s no one in that space. And I know eventually if I don’t do it, someone else will!”. Guys, I say this a lot, but really, Louis is about to make some WAVES in that space and I can’t WAIT to see it play. But first the concert, please!

AND!!!!!! Harry has been NOMINATED FOR THREE FUCKING GRAMMYS!! GUYS, HE MADE IT! The categories he is up for are: Best Music Video (Adore You - the TASTE), Best Pop Solo Performance (Watermelon Sugar), and BEST POP VOCAL ALBUM! I know that we’re always like, Grammys mean nothing, and how can we feel otherwise 1D was never nominated, but this is a MILESTONE in his career, and I am so happy to see his work getting the recognition it deserves! There were no nominations for him in the general field this year (artist or record of the year) BUT just you WAIT. Everything that Harry does makes me think that he is gearing up for a very long and successful career and I am. Very Happy for him. And so is everyone else! Harry’s friends, family, colleagues, and labels have all been quick to congratulate him on his well deserved recognition. In other Harry news, we got some stills from an Austrailian movie called “Holding the Man” which bear remarkable similarities to the Golden music video. (Were Harry's Vans really in there as a tribute to the film or did that part just work out very well for him??) The movie and the song don’t have anything in common thematically except being gay, but it really looks like a visual homage to this film (or, my personal theory, a fix-it fic to give it a happy ending!). And! Harry was papped on the DWD set with Florence Pugh again today, in a suit and an opulent background - it’s hard to make out Harry’s face, but I think we can guess that it's beaming in pride, as it should be.

GQ Spain did a piece on Liam’s Hugo capsule, praising it for being “the utilitarian style” (“the star trend of 2020”). They’re very nice about it, and seem to be genuinely interested and like the color scheme of the clothes: “the monocolor look...is an irrefutable argument in men’s clothing”. They also praise the collection for being an example that “you don’t need to spend hours in front of a mirror to dress like the best dressed men on the planet”. All of these were meant to be compliments, I SWEAR! Niall was around on Twitter yesterday, reminiscing about the time when some fans asked Justin Beiber to take pictures of them with Niall, it's true Niall that IS hilarious and also good psychic timing: that's EXACTLY how relevant Justin Beiber should be (yes I AM bitter the Weeknd was ROBBED). He also congratulated Shawn Mendes for his documentary, “So proud of this boy. He’s smashed it and always so humble. Well done to everyone involved.X”. I have not seen this documentary but if there are any more “Camila Cabello orders bananas at sushi restaurants moments” PLEASE let me know!

[jordanianroyals]

Crown Prince Hussein in an interview with Jordan Television in March 2021, on the anniversary of the Arabisation of army leadership.

The Crown Prince also touched on a number of topics like the state centennial, Jordan’s foreign policies, the repercussions of the COVID-19 crisis and social media.

The video is subtitled & following is the English transcript of the interview:

Jordan Television: In this conversation with His Royal Highness Crown Prince Al Hussein Bin Abdullah II, we will discuss a number of occasions — the anniversary of the Arabisation of army leadership, the centennial of the state, and a number of other topics.

Welcome, Your Royal Highness.

Crown Prince Hussein: Thank you for having me. Allow me first to send my greetings to all Jordan Television viewers and to pay tribute to all those working to counter the COVID-19 pandemic. May the souls of those who passed away from our families rest in peace, and may God protect everyone. “God is best at guarding, and He is the Most Merciful of merciful ones.”

Jordan Television: Your Royal Highness, our meeting coincides with a dear occasion to us all, the anniversary of the Arabisation of army leadership. The Armed Forces, as we all know, have a major and prominent role in safeguarding our nation. And as Crown Prince, Sir, you have a special relationship with the Armed Forces. Can we talk more about it?

Crown Prince: First, Sir, in the army, I’m not a Crown Prince, I’m a First Lieutenant like any other army officer. The Armed Forces teach us commitment, sacrifice and discipline. Frankly, the camaraderie I have experienced in the army is something I have not seen anywhere else.

And as you mentioned, we are celebrating a historic day in the state’s journey. It is an achievement by my grandfather, Al Hussein, may his soul rest in peace, from whom we have inherited the love of and dedication to the army.

And as you know, my father, His Majesty King Abdullah II, is a military man first and foremost, and he has served for a long time in the Arab Army, rising through the ranks to become Special Operations Commander with the rank of Major General.

And to this day, when I accompany His Majesty, I see how he reacts when he meets with those who have served with him, and I feel how happy he is to reminisce about his time with them.

Jordan Television: Honestly, Your Royal Highness, this is a wonderful legacy, and the relationship between the Hashemite family and the Armed Forces is distinctive throughout history. Just recently, we witnessed the launch of the “Brothers in Arms” programme. If anything, this indicates the deep faith in the Armed Forces, including active and retired personnel, doesn’t it, Your Royal Highness?

Crown Prince: I cannot begin to describe how happy I was when this project was launched, because it touches the lives of our brothers who have served in the Armed Forces.

This programme is a priority for His Majesty, who knows how much [veterans and retired servicemen] have given to this nation, out of his close relationship with them. I hope this programme would meet the aspirations of retired servicemen.

Jordan Television: Your Royal Highness, at the start of this conversation, you mentioned the late King Al Hussein, may his soul rest in peace. You carry his name, and many see a resemblance between you and him. Can we speak further about this?

Crown Prince: It is an honour for me, but the issue is not about physical resemblance, what is more important is to carry forward his principles. My grandfather Al Hussein had a unique personality, and from him we learned to have our own independent approach and way of thinking, within the steadfast principles we grew up believing in. May his soul rest in peace, he was an inspiring leader and close to the people, and since I carry his name, this gives me a sense of responsibility and a deep connection to him.

To this day, when I see my pictures with him, I remember my childhood and the attention he used to give me, and it touches me deeply.

When people remember my grandfather Al Hussein, they remember his speeches and positions, but when I see how Jordan continues to stand tall against all odds, I say that this is the legacy that my grandfather left behind, may his soul rest in peace.

Jordan Television: This is a great legacy, Your Royal Highness. We also always see you by His Majesty King Abdullah II’s side. This closeness must have an impact on your daily experience, doesn’t it?

Crown Prince: These meetings are schools unto themselves, and I am very lucky to be able to learn from him. I always see how His Majesty is firm in tough situations and compassionate in humanitarian situations. He always keeps calm and takes the necessary decisions at the right time.

There is no doubt that the responsibilities on His Majesty’s shoulders are indescribable. Those who have simple commitments may not be able to sleep at night, so imagine what it would be like for someone responsible for an entire country. May God bless him and enable us to meet his expectations and serve the nation as he taught us to.

Jordan Television: Your Royal Highness, let us turn to the COVID-19 crisis and its implications. It has been a year since this pandemic started, which has changed much in the world. Your Royal Highness, do you think we will witness any breakthroughs?

Crown Prince: Of course, Sir, this is a new issue for the whole world, and no one knew what sort of enemy we are facing. Unfortunately, many families have lost loved ones, and the lockdowns and infections have impacted livelihoods and the economy. However, God willing, with the vaccine now available, we will be able to gradually recover from the impact of the crisis.

Jordan Television: Your Royal Highness, God willing, and with the determination of all, we will be able to recover soon.

Crown Prince: Jordan was among the first countries to acquire the vaccine in the region, but the delay in the vaccinations is due to delays from the manufacturing companies. Jordan is working to secure a large supply of vaccines, God willing. It is imperative that everyone take the precautions and register to receive the vaccine. Patience is needed, and “with hardship comes ease”.

Jordan Television: Sir, we must also speak about the economic situation. My question, Your Royal Highness, is how can we bolster our economy in light of the challenges facing us?

Crown Prince: Our core challenge is the economy. Jordan has gone through a series of crises, from the Iraq war, to the cut in gas supplies, to the Syrian crisis, and now the COVID-19 crisis. All these crises have impacted economic reform.

Like other countries, there have been mistakes that we must review and learn from, and there must be a clear goal and institutionalised work, as well as bold decision-making in the state’s approach to various economic issues. Policies must not change with the faces, and this must not delay projects.

Most importantly, we must see the results on the ground, and the only concern for any official must be citizens’ interest. Frankly, we do not have time nor patience for any other concerns.

Jordan Television: So, Your Royal Highness, this is a strong call for hard work. The Jordanian society is usually described as a youthful society. Sir, we always see you around youth. How can we enhance young Jordanians’ opportunities and qualifications to join the labour market?

Crown Prince: Our youths are up to the task, and I always meet with them. They all have the energy, but they need the opportunity, so we must focus on honing their skills.

For example, the Crown Prince Foundation is one of the institutions seeking to reach young people in all areas and to contribute to technical education, through several initiatives, such as Al Hussein Technical University. These skills will contribute to qualifying young people to join the labour market.

Jordan Television: Of course, Your Royal Highness, especially since the future lies in technical education, and many local studies indicate there are certain specialties that have become saturated. Your Royal Highness, since we are talking about young people, do you follow their comments on social media?

Crown Prince: Sometimes, when I get the chance. Social media platforms are very important, and it is difficult to disregard them, but they do not always reflect reality. This is why I always try to reach out to people directly.

And sometimes, unfortunately, social media platforms spread negative and false news, so we must always verify the news. Sometimes, I check social media on my phone and suddenly find myself “engaged” or “married”, and there are many false stories that we come across. This happens to most people.

Jordan Television: Sir, Your Royal Highness, you studied international history, and you are aware of the domestic and international scenes; how has Jordan been able to safeguard its interests while maintaining its steadfast positions?

Crown Prince: Everyone knows that Jordan, historically, has gone through much more difficult times than the ones we are living through today. Jordan’s resilience is a lesson to be taught, and this year, we celebrate the centennial of the state, a state that has stood firm and prospered in a turbulent region. This is all due to the strong faith of our people and leadership in this nation.

Jordan’s vision is clear — safeguarding its strategic interests, while our positions remain steadfast towards Arab causes, especially the Palestinian cause, our central cause.

And Sir, Jerusalem is a personal cause for the Hashemites, and a red line for every Jordanian.

Jordan Television: Absolutely, Sir, Jerusalem and its holy sites are in all our hearts. To conclude, Sir, what are your aspirations for Jordan’s future?

Crown Prince: If you want to answer this question, I think it is necessary for us as Jordanians to ask ourselves what is the future that we want? What is the role of each official and citizen in building a community rooted in productivity, justice and efficiency?

Jordan Television: Absolutely, Your Royal Highness, this could be a message to all — we must work towards such a future?

Crown Prince: Our country’s human resources are full of potential; it is a museum from north to south, and we have immense innovative energy.

We have all the key ingredients for progress; we need only to roll up our sleeves and work together as one, because teamwork is key.

And this is who we are as Jordanians. We are all one, God willing, and we are unwavering in the face of all circumstances. I view the future with a sense of optimism, and I pray that God protect everyone and safeguard this nation.

Thank you, Sir, and God bless your efforts

Jordan Television: Amen. Thank you, Your Royal Highness.

[anonymoushouseplantfan]

#FaveOutfitFriday Royal Wedding Edition

We’re doing royal weddings today and I’m going to do two posts. This is the first one covering my favorite royal wedding ever. It will be followed by a post on best royal wedding elements (gown, veil, flowers, pictures, etc...). I hope this will be fun for everyone. Remember, in keeping with the theme we will be rewatching Diana’s wedding tomorrow at 23:00 UTC.

My favorite royal wedding gown EVER is Sarah Chatto’s. Think it’s simply beautiful (literally because it’s actually a very simple design) and she looked gorgeous in it. Her wedding is, imo, the best royal wedding EVER. I know it was a low-key wedding for a minor member of the brf, but the attention to detail was amazing and the whole thing was gorgeous. The bridesmaids dresses were breathtaking and the medieval feel of the gowns suited the venue perfectly. The wedding took place at St. Stephen’s in London, but the entire event had a medieval feel to it, as Sarah is a painter and she was heavily influenced by Holbein’s work. The floral hairdos still make me swoon.

http://orderofsplendor.blogspot.com/2012/10/readers-top-10-wedding-gowns-9-lady.html

Not surprising for a photographer’s daughter, Sarah got amazing pics at the wedding. This is some of the best royal wedding photography out there.

We don’t have pics of the ceremony, but check out the church’s interior and picture those dresses and flowers in that space. It must have been breathtaking.

http://in360degrees.co.uk/wrenchurches/data/011StStephenWalbrook/

The family picture is also lovely. I adore that they did it against a medieval tapestry (matching the bridesmaids’ dresses!). 

The tiara was beautiful with a cute family story behind it and a  complementary splash of greenery. I love that the tiara is made of brooches and the brooches still get used by the family.

http://www.thecourtjeweller.com/2019/03/the-snowdon-floral-tiara.html

The earrings also have a royal story behind them. Sarah wears them to almost all royal events as a tribute to her mum.

https://www.hellomagazine.com/royalty/2018052448895/lady-sarah-chatto-princess-margaret-earrings/

Here’s a video fo the arrivals at the wedding. The bride’s arrival with her attendants is sheer perfection.  It’s like going back in time.

I feel this wedding had it all. Gorgeous gowns and flowers that reflected the bride’s passion for art. Family heirlooms beautifully repurposed. Lovely venue perfectly suited to a minor royal venue. Amazing photos. It had it all.

[saltpepperbeard]

A Jotato’s THG Story (novel?)

So a few days ago, the lovely @everlarkedalways asked me to Weave My THG Tale™. And, in being VERY on brand in regards for my THG Story, I’m late to the party lol! Mostly because of work, partly because I was avoiding Ballad spoilers, and a tad bit because...I’m a potato. BUT, now that I am free of any large projects and finally have Ballad in my hands, I’m finally able to look past my potato roots and talk about how a certain wATER POTATO ARCHER CHANGED MY LIFE lmao.

Ara has jokes though, let me tell you. “Keep it short” l m a o; THIS IS ABOUT TO BE A NOVEL AND WE KNOW IT. ARE YOU READING BALLAD? HERE’S A NEW 500 PAGE BOOK FOR YOU TBH-

I’ve told this story a few times before, but it’s always delightful to look back on things and see all the twists and turns I’ve experienced with this franchise. The most notable being, I started out HATING Hunger Games lol!

I was in ninth grade when THG started to become like, a global phenomenon. Everyone was reading it, everyone was talking about it, and it was everywhere. And for whatever reason, instead of actually sitting down and, idk, GIVING IT A TRY LMAO, my reaction instead was to DESPISE IT. Guess it was that edgy, irate, “I’m ABOVE the general masses ha look at me,” fresh-out-of-middle-school mentality. And also, my justification for hating it so much was along the lines of, “Wow it’s just a series about kids killing each other? WHAT’S THE APPEAL???”

Which like fjlksjdksds...If I could look back on my early 2012 self?

She had no idea what was in store for her lmao.

Anyway, the premiere of the movie came and went, and I was still hard set in my ways. THAT WAS, until that same summer. I can’t exactly remember which clips I stumbled upon first? But I know I came across the Joshifer+Liz Banks interview, and also a ton of Perfectly Legal Movie Clips™ on YouTube. Both of which silently chained my soul without me realizing LMAO. I remember thinking that the main actors were so cute and played off each other well (AGAIN LMAO, GIRL, BIG STORM COMING), and also remember being totally intrigued by all the clips I watched. It was mainly clips of Katniss in the arena, and I think it made me realize that wow hey, there’s an ACTUAL STORY HERE, WITH A FEMALE PROTAGONIST NO LESS.

The story gets a tad fuzzy for me here, but I do believe I got the books and quickly read through them shortly after I essentially watched the entire movie on YouTube through clips jdksljdks. I can’t really recall what I thought about the books really? Because, I think I BREEZED through them. I was so excited that I just ZOOMED TF THROUGH. I inhaled the series in one GIANT GULP. I think I even read THG in a single day jdlsjklaads. It definitely wasn’t a cautious read through to get a better sense of the detail and literary devices. 

BUT, despite my excitement, I still hadn’t reached the God Tier “OBSESSIVE” stage yet. The light bulb hadn’t fully come on yet. It wasn’t until late 2013 when Catching Fire came out that I REALLY STARTED TO GO BALLISTIC LMAO. Actually, one of my fondest THG memories comes from this time, because I think it was really like, the OFFICIAL starting block for my obsession.

I was riding on a bus to a Theatre Competition, and my best friend had just gotten the CF Soundtrack for us to listen to. I remember being absolutely enamored with it- Mirrors, We Remain, and Lean in particular. And idk, something at that point just kind of told me that Catching Fire was going to be my anchor. Sure enough, after the competition was over, said friend and I went to go see the movie together.

And I astral projected lmao. I ACHIEVED HUNGER GAMES ENLIGHTENMENT. THE LIGHT BULB SWITCHED TF ON.

I was quick to see it again the following day, and I think saw it another two times in theaters after that. I also started drawing fanart of it, and looking for more pictures/interviews. And the want for more content, the DESIRE to go crazy about it, is what eventually lead me to finding the fandom here on Tumblr. I had had a Tumblr since 2012, but never really used it with a purpose. But when I realized there were people posting all sorts of stuff about THG? Boom- another light bulb. I followed tons of people, and officially changed my url to what it is today. “Star’s” for my internet alias at the time, and “Mahogany” for my love of Effie/that Iconic Line.

HOWEVER LOL, Tumblr would lead me towards a different side, something I didn’t expect to get pulled into so hard at all. Because, I distinctly remember coming on one night in December of 2013, and seeing @joshmopolitan and a few others posting about Josh going to the UK game. And that of course, lead me down the Celebrity Rabbit Hole, and lead me towards the Chaotic, Wonderful, Crazy-

JOSHIFER FANDOM.

((Also, before you crinkle your nose, *raises cane* BACK IN MY DAY, EVERYONE SHIPPED JOSHIFER LOL. *Snow voice* DON’T LIE. Like, everyone thought they were cute to some sort of degree, or believed they were going to get together. Shoutout to the Joshifer Golden Days, man.))

And thank goodness for it tbh. Because it was JUST when I was itching to write fanfiction with everyone else, and just when I was struggling HARDCORE with writing Everlark. @joshmopolitan and @youarebeingridiculous were sort of my introductions into RPF, with @youarebeingridiculous giving me nudges towards my first Everlark fic, before also nudging me towards my first Joshifer fic. And when my first Joshifer fic garnered attention/when I had a blast writing it? ANOTHER. LIGHT. BULB LOL.

So I was dead af from that point on. I was absolutely drawn in. Even though I was still invested in THG, Joshifer was definitely my main focus from 2014-2016ish. I was there for the typical ship wars, there to read and write all the fanfiction, there to read all the theories, and there to partake in all the crazy moments. Shoutout to Cannes 2014 in particular lmao; I was in the car and my phone started going off like CRAZY, with many of my friends SCREAMING at me about the events/articles that had transpired.

Being attached to Joshifer also allowed me to write my first, and so far only, full length, These Words are a Lie. It started out as just a four part series, two parts of which I actually published. Befffooorrre getting to the third part and realizing I had WAY too much to deal with/explain/write, which consequently lead to me pulling them down and expanding upon them! And thus my messy, lovely, 25 chapter peanut journey started lmao. Though I look back on it now and realize how disjointed it was, I’m so thankful I was able to see that story completely through. I’m also very thankful for the SUPPORT and following it got. Wouldn’t have gotten through without y’all! 

ANYWAY LMAO, because this is my THG story and not my Joshifer story, let’s get back to that. 2014 was WHACK because...LG was utterly tripping with its promotional material. And to think, it was just the START of odd/lacking promo, seeing as they were SOMEHOW WORSE WITH MJ2 LMAO. But even though I was incredibly salty at the time, it was so fun to be mad and chomping at the bit with everyone else lol. The SUFFERING OF NOT HAVING ANY NEW CONTENT BROUGHT US CLOSER TOGETHER. Also, going to Best Buy to watch the teaser trailer under Heavy Guard??? Was an EXPERIENCE LOL??? But man was I so stoked to get my poster and pin, because that was some of the first merch I got!

ALSO, MJ1 was the time where I got the idea to create a small YouTube series called “Tributes React.” I really really wish I could have been in the fandom earlier, because it would have been, dare I say, FIRE LOL to react to more than just the MJ1 and MJ2 trailers. But it was so so fun regardless, and everyone’s participation was incredible! And now all of our early, embarrassing, INTENSE fangirling is stuck here/memorialized forever PFFFF.

And, not to mention, Fran Solo himself watched one of them. Someone tweeted the video at him, and he tweeted back that it made all the hard times worth it. MY GREATEST FANDOM ACCOMPLISHMENT RIGHT THERE???

And finally getting to watch MJ1 in theaters lmao omg. I went with my friend before, and also one of my guy friends. And the entire time, he was HARD STARING AT ME WAITING FOR ME TO CRY LOL. SO HE COULD TEASE ME. AND HE GOT HIS WISH BECAUSE OF COURSE THE LAST 30 MINUTES OR SO UTTERLY RUINED ME. I remember shivering so so SO bad when the rescue mission for Peeta started, and having to hold my friends’ hands when they were creeping through the Tribute Center, and utterly SOBBING when Peeta attacked Katniss. Because...hello...I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again...WAY WAY MORE INTENSE THAN THE BOOK LMAO??

And then came the beginning of the end. I remember that promo time was even DRYER for MJ2 lmao, and that we were all DYING. Like, I think the big trailer didn’t release until like, SEPTEMBER??? WHICH...LG WHAT THE ACTUAL-

And we were also back to watching trailers in Best Buys jfkssdkdlsk. My Best Buy was also DUMB and didn’t have any posters, but @infinitegraces​ was awesome enough to send me numerous copies! Bless you, thank you; I had them on my wall all through college lol! DESPITE THEM BEING A HAUNTING REMINDER OF HOW HARD LG SMACKED US LMAO.

Despite my salt towards the INITIAL promo though, the premieres and what not definitely lead to MJ2 having a special place in my heart. I had just gone off to college, and was a timid, lonely little freshman with nowhere to turn. But the fandom was there for me, and MJ2 promos/premieres gave me something to be excited for. It all kept me going through that ROUGH first semester, and was there for me before I met my best friends. So thank you MJ2, and thank you all for sharing that excitement with me! <3

Also, I’d like to mention that I was SO desperate to continue the tradition of seeing the premiere with my friend thaaaaatttt...I left for Thanksgiving break two or three days early/skipped class JUST to make it back home in time to see it with her lol! I WASN’T HERE TO PLAY GAMES, Y’ALL. THG > ACADEMICS APPARENTLY PFFFF.

After that though, things kind of quieted down. I found friends and activities in college, the movies were done, and Joshifer was dying out. It lead me to use Tumblr sporadically, not posting AS much as I had before. I still had tons of love for everything, and still enjoyed coming on whenever I did!

Then I sort of stumbled upon our “renaissance,” like the lovely @everlarkedalways​ posting re-reads and re-watches. It tugged me in again, and made me excited to post content! I also branched out and began to write Everlark, and began talking about them/the books/meta more than I did in my earlier years. 

And of course, said renaissance lead me to attending TOASTCON LMAO. Which I somehow managed to name. On accident. *Dabs unironically*

That of course, was such an amazing experience. Going to movie filming sites has always been on my bucket list, so getting to go to HUNGER GAMES SITES??? WITH FANDOM PEOPLE???? GOD TIER??????

I was also suffering from major panic/anxiety problems that summer, having just graduated college and being thrown out in the Real World™. So once again, THG and its fandom were there for me when nothing else could be. And despite me feeling off mentally, despite me feeling plagued by fatigue, I still thoroughly enjoyed meeting everyone/having such a once in a lifetime experience. Also, getting to FLEX on my friends when we watch the movies and go like “I WAS THERE! I WAS THERE!! I WAS THERE!!!” is...A Time PFFFF.

Then of course, I started working a full time job, and shifted a bit away from Tumblr/the fandom. Not DELIBERATELY; more like, I was too Mentally Tired to really do much after work. But now that Ballad is here, and now that we have new content once more? I feel like I’m waking back up. Hell, I even went to Atlanta to see MORE film sites right before the virus started to make its rounds.

And so here I am lol! A SEASONED THG VET WITH SEVEN YEARS AND COUNTING UNDER MY BELT. I would very much love to tag everyone who had an impact on me, and/or who I’ve interacted with and shared fun times with over the years. But A. Everyone really out here CONSTANTLY CHANGING THEIR URL’s, and B. The number would be Too Great and I would inevitably forget someone on accident.

SO THEN, if you’re reading this, and we’ve ever shared some kind of THG experience together, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. THG has been such a wondrous experience for me, and it’s lead me to meet all sorts of amazing, talented individuals. It’s also been there for me during darker times, and has supported me in every way possible.

I love you all, I love being here, and HERE’S TO MANY MORE TAGS/RAMBLES IN THE FUTURE LOL! Like lmao, a new movie, you guys??? WHAT??? TRIBUTES REACT ANYONE???

-Jotato Out <3

[tefanfics]

Changes

Chapter 9

I couldn’t decide if I was excited or nervous. I stood on the street, looking at the tailor shop with the signs reading Kingsman on the window. I wanted to let out a little squeal. The Kingsman movies had been some of my favorites for a long time. Standing here, I recalled the first time I had seen Secret Service. My family and I had been on vacation and it was a rainy day, which didn’t allow for the amusement park, go karts or mini-golf. So we decided on the movies. I talked them into seeing the spy movie and the rest was history.

I looked around then pulled my phone from my back pocket and snapped a quick photo before hiding my phone again. I wasn’t sure what the phone rule was but I wasn’t going to get myself in trouble on the first day.

“Give me your phone and go stand in front of it,” I heard a voice from behind me.

I looked over my shoulder and smiled as I saw Taron. He had already gone through costume and makeup. “Nice suit,” I commented as I took my phone out again and handed it to him. I walked toward the shop, the script in one hand, and turned around to face him. With a grin, I put my free hand up in the air and pointed at the words on the window. Once Taron gave me a thumbs up, I walked back to him and looked at the photo on my screen. I sent it to my family as I fell in stride with Taron.

We walked in silence toward the meeting area. There was something comfortable about the silence between us, though part of me wanted to say something about the night before. I had questions but I was going to wait. I had the script open and was reading over the scene for today. I felt his gaze but kept myself focused on the words in front of me.

Taron’s hands took my shoulders, pulling me to a stop. I looked up and realized we had come upon the rest of the cast and crew for this scene. “Thanks,” I murmured to him.

“No problem,” he answered. “Maybe walking and reading isn’t the best idea.”

I laughed and shrugged. “It’s a skill of mine though and it’d be a shame to see it not be used.”

Taron chuckled and gave a soft pat to my lower back before walking past me. I followed him but walked up to Matthew. “Good morning,” I greeted.

“Welcome, welcome,” he said. He got everyone’s attention and let them know what scene we’d be working on. I listened as a run through started. I spoke up a few times, reminding of continuity or things that had happened in the previous movies. I was nervous at first. I felt rude interrupting them but I knew it was my job. When we finished, everyone took their places and the scene commenced.

When we wrapped for the day, I found the locker I had stored my backpack in and deposited my copy of the script in it. I checked my phone for the time, seeing that it was a little after 6 in the evening. There was a message from Taron, telling me to come to his trailer.

I stood outside of his trailer, my hand lifted and ready to knock. But something was stopping me. Would people see me going into his trailer? Would this cause issues? Did I want to gain a reputation? I hesitated once more before letting my hand drop to my side. I carefully backed down the steps of the trailer and stared at the door. Finally I had convinced myself to walk away.

“Hey! Rose!” Taron called from behind me. “Where are you going?”

I wasn’t sure how to answer. I wasn’t even sure if I should answer. I forced myself to stop before turning enough that I could see Taron approaching.

“You okay?” He asked as he stopped beside me.

“Yeah,” I lied but it didn’t last. “I don’t know. Kind of got in my own head but it’s okay.”

Taron gave a small nod. He hesitated as though he was going to ask more questions but ultimately decided not to. “Alright. Well… You didn’t make any plans for tonight, did you?”

I shook my head as I adjusted my backpack on my shoulders. “Nope.”

“Good,” Taron answered with a grin. “Come with me.”

An hour later, I was standing on the sidewalk with Taron a few feet away from a group of people. I stood on my tiptoes, trying to see over the crowd.

“What are we here for?” I asked. I sighed as I lowered myself back down to my normal level.

“It’s kind of a surprise,” Taron said with a shrug. He looked nice in his jeans and a striped shirt, his jean jacket covering it. “I’m surprised you haven’t figured out where we are yet though.”

“I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but I’m kind of on the short side,” I countered with a little laugh. I looked around and spotted a cement bench close to us. Without a second thought, I grabbed Taron’s hand and pulled him toward it. I released his hand and put it on his shoulder, using him as support to climb up on the bench. He stood close to me, my thigh against his shoulder.

“Be careful up there.”

I shrugged and turned my attention toward the crowd. “Holy shit,” I muttered. “No way.” I grinned as my eyes landed on the famous street ahead of me. “It’s Abbey Road! Oh, Dad is going to be so jealous!” My phone was in my hand now and I was snapping photos of the area. “I figured there would be a crowd but this is a lot of people.”

“Well that might be because there’s a pop-up performance here tonight,” Taron answered as he climbed up beside me on the bench. “It’s just a tribute band but I thought you might enjoy it.”

The grin wouldn’t leave. I was so beyond excited. The Beatles had been one of my all-time favorite bands for a long time thanks to my parents. I could feel the excitement in my body, soon bouncing as I stood there.

“That’s not being careful,” Taron teased. He looked down at his watch then looked back up at me.

I rolled my eyes at him and heard his laugh from behind me. I watched as people carried out road blocks. Soon members of the tribute band walked out, dressed in their appropriate Abbey Road apparel. Speakers were rolled out and the instruments were hooked up. Now I could hardly wait.

The band was pretty good in all honesty. And they certainly drew a crowd. More people gathered around, which made me thankful for having stood up on the bench. My eyes began wandering the crowd but I was pulled from my people-watching as the band started playing Oh! Darling. I couldn’t help but to sing along. It was the kind of song I had to close my eyes to sing. I let myself get caught up in the lyrics, feeling that connection to the words.

When the song ended, my face was red. I opened my eyes and just took it all in. I looked over my shoulder at Taron, seeing him mouth along with the songs.

“What?” He asked as he noticed me looking at him.

I just shook my head and smiled. Today had been very surreal but now, for whatever reason, something just seemed normal. I looked away finally and turned back toward the band, trying to be careful of my footing. The bench wasn’t very wide but it was at least long enough for the two of us.

I held my phone up and started recording. There was no way that I’d ever forget this night but I needed a video of it to watch and relive. When the song was over, I pocketed my phone again. The band played Something next and I couldn’t help but to sway to the gentle melody.

I felt a tap on the shoulder and looked over it to see Taron holding a hand out. Just like the day before. I smiled and carefully turned on the bench. Without as much room as the day before, we had to change our dance. My hands were on his shoulders and his were on my waist, though I was trying not to think about it. Once again I could hear him singing but that only made me aware of just how close he was to my face.

The song came to an end but neither of us moved. There was a moment as we looked at each other where I could feel a sense of hesitation from Taron. His eyes flickered down to my lips. All I could do was gulp, unable to look away. Slowly and one at a time, I pulled my hands back. He let go of me much slower than I had.

I watched as he found his own phone. He opened the camera and faced away from me, now our backs to the band. He held his phone up high and angled it so we were in frame and the band behind us standing on the Abbey Road crosswalk. Before Taron took the photo, I stepped up behind him. I slid my arms around his stomach and rested my chin on his shoulder as I stood on my tiptoes.

I smiled for the picture but on the screen, I could see the grin on his face.

[lexfritterwrites]

Let Lips Do What Hands Do - Part 11

Y’all, I haven’t posted in here since they updated it so everything might be terrible. Anyway, I’ll do my best. You can always catch me on AO3. 

previous

It's April, and Addie feels like crying most days. In fact, she actually has cried for the past eleven days — once in the shower, twice over her cup of tea and the other times where when she was in bed alone. Taron's been filming in Ireland for three weeks, and it's a glimpse at how life would be if they were to stay together in all the madness.

 "Sad again, huh?" Jack says, catching the gray look in her eyes. "I feel I should be offended you're not that upset about leaving me."

 Addie throws a sugar packet at him, hitting her mark on his cheek. "I know things between us won't change when I leave. You'll just be a phone call away."

 "Taron will too."

 "That's different. I don't think I like this ache, this pain." Addie absently stirs her tea. "In the words of Elphaba, 'If that's love, it comes at much too high a cost.'"

 "You know she ends up with the scarecrow at the end of that musical, right? I mean, we saw it together. I wrote a review which you edited."

 Addie rolls her eyes, too done to deal with Jack today.

 "I love him, you know. And to think we won't be together because of our location, I think I would rather not be with him at all."

 "Your call," Jack says. "I know you're scared but I think the two of you could make it work, and that's coming from a guy who stays away from relationships. You don't have to split because you're half a world away."

 "What if he meets the one but can't act on it because of me? Or what if he does act on it and I'm left devastated? It's a real poop chute."

 "It'll work out, Addie," Jack says, covering her hand with his own. "It'll work out."

 Addie slumps and rests her head on the table. "Why?"

 Jack gently musses her hair. "You didn't not date for years while you were here and the first guy you do consider turns out to be fuckin' perfect. You really know how to pick them."

 Addie laughs, feeling a little lighter at the thought.

   It's her whole year on display, the premiere of the students' films adapted from classic novels. Four fully written, produced and edited films will be turned in with her thesis, but the gala tonight will only feature twenty minutes from each with the students having a few moments to present before their film. It's an affair she's invited the whole school to as well as their family and friends, and even though Jack is by her side, the one person she wants to be there most isn't. Taron's caught filming in Ireland; Addie understands but still doesn't enjoy it.

 "Look at what you've done," Jack says, watching the rows of students talk excitedly amongst themselves, no doubtedly ready to display their hard work. "Not even a full teacher yet and you've got them inspired. That's a noble thing."

 Addie squeezes his hand. She takes the microphone and heads to the center of the stage. Pausing a moment before delivering the introduction she's prepared, she smiles. The kids eagerly sitting before her are a tribute to her and her hard work and creativity, and this life is about her just as much as it is Taron.

 She takes her seat next to Jack as the first group's film rolls across the screen, an updated retelling of Sense and Sensibility. It's funny, well thought and inclusive of the community, what with Edward Ferris having evolved into Edwina and Colonel Brandon an Indian man in the British navy. Everyone claps as the students presenting The Picture of Dorian Gray take the stage. Addie's phone buzzes in her pocket and she risks a quick chance to look at it.

 Can we watch the full-length versions this weekend? - T

 Sure, if you want. - A

 I do! At least that one. I'm dying to see how they did the marriage proposals. - T

 Addie whips her head around, looking to see him somewhere. There are faces illuminated by the screen but then she sees him, sitting on the edge of the row with his hood pulled up over his head; no doubt he didn't want to be recognized. He waves slightly when he sees her, and Addie smiles.

 He came after all.

 I'm so happy you're here! - A

 I'm really glad I could make it. Will sneak to bar at end so as not to detract. - T

 Sounds perfect. - A

 Thank you for coming. - A

 Addie is extremely proud of everything the students accomplished, and the cooking class made a giant cake for the ocassion. She sneaks a piece for Taron in her bag, poses for pictures with the kids, compliments the parents for raising some great hopes for the future, and then she's dashing out the door.

 "Adelaide, you're incredible!" Taron says, standing up from the table. He wraps his arms around her and kisses her cheek.

 "I can't believe you're here," she says, her face buried in his neck. "How'd you manage?"

 "Flew in this afternoon," he says. "Wanted to surprise you."

 "I'm very surprised," she says. "Very happy, too."

 Taron kisses the side of her head before pulling away to point her to a secluded booth. "I want to hear all about the rest of the videos. When can we watch them?" He holds her hand across the table, leaning towards her.

 Addie bites the inside of her lip, studying him. "What's wrong?"

 "What?" Taron asks, shifting backwards. Addie knows she was right to expect something.

 "Taron, I know you," she says quietly. "I know when something's up. What is it?"

 "No, Adelaide. I came here to celebrate you and the work you've done and I don't want it spoiled."

 "I feel like it's already spoiled if you don't tell me what's going on. Is everyone okay? Your mom and the girls? Your dad?"

 "Everyone's fine." He exhales loudly, looking at the table. "It's two more weeks."

 "Oh." Addie sags against the cushion. "Oh."

 Taron rubs her knuckles with his thumb. "I know it's really shitty, but it is what it is."

 "It's okay," Addie manages over the lump of emotion lodged in her throat. She feels like she's gagging but it's just the thought of his absence for another two weeks just a couple of months before she's supposed to move back to the United States. "You chase your dream and I'll chase mine."

 "Thus, though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we will make him run."

 Addie snorts, swiping a tear off her cheek. "Marvell. Good choice."

 "Anyway," Taron says. "We've got tonight."

 "Bob Seger, a modern poet."

 It's Taron's turn to laugh now and he shakes his head. "Seriously though, can I take you out to dinner and then stay up with you all night watching the work of your students?"

 "Yes, I would like that."

 "Good," Taron says, moving quickly from the table. He drops a note on its surface and helps Addie back into her coat.

 "Can I make an amendment to the plan though?"

 "What's that?"

 "Can we just pick something up and take it home? I really don't need an audience to just want to be with you and I'm wearing Spanx so I'd really like to get out of them and into my pajamas."

 "Deal," he says. "You look bloody gorgeous but comfortable is something I also enjoy. Your place or mine?"

 "Mine is closer but you have a better TV so let's do that."

 "Sounds perfect," he says. He could offer to run back by hers so she can gather things, but he knows everything she needs is available at his. Tucking her beneath his arm, he kisses the side of her head — she'd taken the news of his delay better than he would have expected.

 They're curled up in his bed and halfway through the updated retelling of Frankenstein when Addie stretches her fingers across his chest.

 "What is it, cariad?" Taron asks, shifting his eyes. He can see the crown of her head and the tip of her nose, and he can see her fingers flex against his shirt.

 "I'm thinking about us."

 "Oh?"

 She pauses the video and sits up, and it's then he sees the tears in her eyes. "I think when I leave, that should be our end."

 "Adelaide." He bolts upright and reaches for her, but his fingers don't actually land anywhere. He can't touch her now.

 "Being apart from you these past few weeks has been hell. I never thought I would be someone to feel this way about anybody, but here we are. I'm exhausted. It feels like a piece of me is missing when you're gone, like smiles are less genuine and laughter does little for my soul. I can't imagine living my life for extended amounts of time without you, feeling this way. So if we just enjoy the time we have left and part as companions who once loved each other, I think that would be better."

 "Do I not get a say in this decision?" He asks softly, his chest tight and his jaw returning to a painful clench.

 "Of course you do," she sighs. "But what is the logical outcome of this?"

 "Fuck this. You can sleep in the guest room tonight." Taron moves in a flash, storms into the bathroom and slams the door shut.

 "Taron! Taron, no!" Addie frantically scrambles off the bed and futilely twists the doorknob. "Taron! Taron, please."

 She can hear the shower running and she sinks to the floor. She knew she shouldn't have said anything.

   Taron finds her half an hour later curled up on the floor with her cheeks red and eyes blotchy. He wants to be angry, he can feel the cold inside him wanting to push her away, but he can't.

 "Addie, come on," he says, gently collecting her in his arms and setting her upright. "I'm hurting too, you know."

 She nods blearily as he leads her back to bed. "I didn't mean to ruin what we have now. I feel like shit, and now I really feel like sh—"

 "Addie, I know," Taron says. "What you're saying makes sense, but it really fucking sucks when it's said out loud. You would rather be without me than be far away and with me, and I suppose that makes sense. Your chances of moving on are better if you're not thinking about some loyalty to me."

 "Me moving on?" She laughs. Taron thinks her crying must have left her too weary to think properly. "It's you. You'll move on long before I will and I don't want you to be stuck with me."

 "That doesn't matter," he says, taking her hand. "I think you're right though. We have a few good weeks left together and we should spend them as happily as we can. Let's not fight or what-if ourselves anymore. You're here, I'm here, and we should let that be enough for now. I can't think on it anymore."

 "Is it really okay?"

 "For now." He wipes a tear from her cheek, knowing his own should be joining it had he not just cried in the shower. "Let's go to sleep and sleep very late into the morning beside each other."

   Taron bites his nail, a habit he'd gotten into since ditching cigarettes; his teeth weren't thanking him but his lungs certainly were.

 "There he is," Jack says, pulling out the chair across from Taron and sinking into it. "Mr. Egerton."

 "Jack," Taron says, shaking his hand. "I wanted to talk to you about Addie."

 "I figured," Jack says. "She told me about her plans of departure."

 "Yeah, and it's not good. How do I get her to stay?"

 “You don’t."

 "Jack, please," Taron says, rubbing his forehead. "I can't have her leave."

 "And you can't have her stay either." Jack says softly. "I know you love her, Taron, as do I, but I also know she won't stay. She'll come to regret the decision as well as you if she stays. Going back to Washington has been her goal for six years. It's all she's worked for and all she's wanted. You need to let her go."

 "Can you?"

 Jack snorts his laugh. "I don't have a choice."

 "We could talk to her together."

 "That's not going to work."

 Taron drops his head to the table, his chest feeling unbelievably tight. "I don't know what to do."

 "Taron, there's an obvious solution here."

 "What's that?"

 "Go with her."

 Taron grunts. "You and I both know that's not logical."

 "So what? You can't do for her what you want her to do for you just because you're a famous actor who happens to make more money?" Jack leans back in his chair. He's really liked Taron, like him for Addie, and he needs Taron to see the sense in this before his like gives into loathing. "You're not giving up her dream so don't let her give up hers."

 "She's your best friend. How can you be so calm?" Taron crosses his arms in front of him, elbows still on the table, and he lets his chin fall to rest against them.

 "Addie is more than a best friend to me," Jack says. "I truly believe she is my person, even if there's no romance. Addie wasn't even supposed to be born, yet here she is. Incredibly determined, driven and happy."

 "I know that." Taron leans onto his cheek.

 "I know you do," Jack says patiently. "That's part of the reason you love her." He reaches across the table and squeezes Taron's shoulder. "You have to let her go."

 "Why is that the only option?" Taron moans, rhetorically putting the words into the universe.

 Jack chuckles as he leans back in his chair. "That's the only way she'll come back."

 "You think she'll come back?"

 "I hope so," Jack says. "For both our sakes."

 Taron laughs. He'll have to make time for Jack when Addie is gone.

 He finds her asleep on the couch when he returns home, and he gently brushes a hand across her face.

 She opens one eye to look and smiles when she sees him. “I must have dozed off.”

 “Yeah,” he says softly. It spreads through him, a calm peace. She is leaving to pursue her dreams, and there is nothing he can do to stop her, nor would he want to. He kisses her tenderly, finally accepting it. “You want to go take a nap upstairs?”

 “That sounds nice,” she says, sitting up next to him. “Hey, are you okay?”

 Taron smiles and kisses her again. “I’m totally fine. I just really love you.”

 Addie’s laugh warms him and she leans her head against his shoulder. “I love you, too.”

 Taron takes her hand and quietly leads her upstairs.

[chaoskirin]

Freddie and I share something in common - we both went to school for fine art. I earned my bachelor's degree in 2005. At times, I wonder if he ever got tired of the formal education, too. I wonder if he also laughed when his film teacher told him that "after this class, you'll never watch a movie the same way again" and then realized later with horror that it was actually true. How color theory takes over your life even when you don't mean it to. How everything you see makes you wonder if you could draw that, and what technique you would have to employ.

I don't know. I was ten when he died and I'll never get to ask. Somehow he doesn't strike me as the kind of person who would want to talk about his own art, anyway. I mean, there's not much we know about Freddie's private life, but everyone says he was shy.

So when I sat down and thought about what to do for Freddie's birthday, I thought analyzing one of his greatest works of art would be a good place to start. I had to pick apart and appraise so much art in school, whether it be my own classmates' paintings or pieces in a museum, or even poetry. And what are all Freddie Mercury's songs but poetry? In any case, it felt like a good tribute to him to analyze "It's a Hard Life."

British "Promo videos" were the prototype for today's visual extravaganzas, and were really meant to provide a simple visual aid to the music. Michael Nesmith says in his book, Infinite Tuesday, that they weren't meant to have much thought or money poured into them. The name of the game was getting a band on stage and recording them, which would then, theoretically, promote more sales. But they evolved, as things tend to do.

Music videos seem absolutely mundane today. A hit single has a music video, and people watch it, and it kind of gets swept under the proverbial carpet and filed away in our collective mind. Sometimes, the really good ones stand out, but more often than not, it's just some thing that's expected. It almost feels ludicrous to think that music accompanied by video wasn't the industry norm.

But in the 1980s, music videos were just becoming valid as a means of expression, and many artists had no idea how to exploit them as an art form. Even Queen did a song supporting the idea that video was killing radio. There were a few who believed that music videos were the way of the future (See again: Michael Nesmith who started down a path that would one day lead to MTV) but to others, they were just a fad, or even something to be resisted.

But in reality, music and video accompanied each other in various forms for years. The first motion pictures themselves were set to music - usually live - because watching a film in silence would have been utterly boring! (Note - artist opinion. I can't cite that, but I stand by my assumption.) Then in the 1960s, the Monkees performed "romps" on their TV show that became the precursor for modern music video. Later, just before MTV came into existence, came "Video Killed the Radio Star."

Since that short foray into music video history is out of the way, it's time to discuss Freddie Mercury.

Of course, Queen did other music videos before "It's a Hard Life." Some were quite artistic, and even Bohemian Rhapsody - which was one of those aforementioned "Promo Videos" - had quite a lot of skill that went into its production. The point is, Freddie seemed to detest the mundane. He wanted something that would make a mark and stand out among everything around him.

In the audio commentary for "It's a Hard Life," Brian May said that the video was a "Freddie indulgence, and we indulged him." He wasn't seeing the endeavor as Freddie did, however. This project was more than an indulgence -- it was a beautiful song, with beautiful lyrics, and there was a real chance to make the video speak just as much as the lyrics themselves. Freddie could recognize the music video medium as a canvas upon which he could paint his ideas. With formal training in fine arts, he knew the importance of symbolism and color in both still art and film, and couldn't fathom why the same principles couldn't be applied to his songs.

The lyrics don't just outright tell the story, though. The song says one thing that the video interprets, but both aren't completely in sync. The visuals are up to interpretation just like any work of art. Freddie had two stories to tell here... Not only the story outlined by the words of the song, but also how he felt about those words. And that's where he managed to unite music and video into a wonderful little four-minute movie.

At the center is the main character. Freddie. His entire life is this room in two parts - an opulent staircase that contains all his life's desires. As the scene expands, his court and other revelers dance around him, enjoying life, while the other players - Brian, Roger, and John - stand off to one side in shadow, interacting with no one.

The room itself is interesting. One side is extremely busy, while there is almost nothing on the other side. The balance is striking and obvious; the stairs and everything within - revelers, a throne, gold banisters, lace curtains, balconies and columns, is meant to represent man's desire. This side of the room is warm and comfortable, populated and eye-catching. It could be heaven, or the Garden of Eden or Valhalla. The other side of the room has nothing except shadow, tile, a few stray revelers, and Death and his angels.

And there's Freddie. The commentary on the video does shed some light onto its meaning. A man who appears to have everything is devastated by the lack of love in his life, which would have made him whole. Ultimately, though, the video is about a man who is so crushed by the lack of love that he makes the decision to kill himself.

Red is used carefully but liberally to highlight passion and desire. Interestingly and importantly, red is also the color of blood - remember that for later - although at the beginning, it is very representative of desire. A red "carpet" leads up the stairs, for example, where brightness waits for anyone who enters. Freddie, as the subject of this metaphor, is also wearing red, and is also covered with eyes that are open and forever searching for what he craves. Passion, romance, deep love, and trust. One one arm, this red costume is starting to unravel as he realizes that what he wants is difficult to obtain. He's begun to believe that it's even impossible for him.

And so we reach our second important color. Blue. Often, the lighting abruptly shifts from red to blue, which is a color of sadness and longing, made even more obvious with the use of heavy shadow. It is weighty and unbearable. Crushing. It destroys everything except Freddie, who is alone when the blue light casts shadows upon everything in the room. There is no more red. No more passion. And only one way out.

He tries to make it work. A red, warm glow flashes onto the party again. But he's getting farther away from the party. He's delving into the emptiness.

Brian - as Death - brazenly walks past him on the stairs, but no one seems to notice save for a passing glance. People wearing slight hints of red rush past Freddie, engrossed in each other but ignoring their host.

Freddie is trying to save himself, but as the screen goes blue again, he knows it's over.

Roger - an angel of hell, and John - an angel of heaven, wander into frame behind Freddie. They are also important in this blue landscape of melancholy and loss. "I try and mend the broken pieces/I try to fight back the tears," Freddie says. "They say it's just a state of mind," he goes on to the sound of a discordant guitar sting, as the angels discuss him, perhaps arguing over his soul after the end has come.

This is the point where the video takes a gloriously subtle shift into darkness. It is a scene of cut time - a view of the past where Freddie was long-haired and in his prime, surrounded by the rich, extravagant life that so many people want. Even back then, his expression is devoid of what one would expect from someone with such a bountiful lifestyle, and the real tragedy is that no one seems to notice or care. They ignore his pain, but are suddenly amused and appreciative when he makes a show of himself. And these scenes are intercut with "present" Freddie, framed in blue and heavily shadowed, at his end.

The angels follow Freddie around as if deciding his fate. Though they are dressed as revelers, they always face away from the other people and interact with no one except each other. They go completely unnoticed by everyone, much like Death, although they have an important role to play. They know what's coming and when - they are even the first to climb the stairs as Death makes himself known.

And while the Garden - or Heaven - or Valhalla - is the goal of nearly everyone at this party, Freddie knows he can't find what he's looking for there. He has the ability to get there, but love is constantly eluding him, and he's come to the conclusion that it always will.

And then Death arrives for Freddie, who has finally given up and ended his own life. Suddenly, the red that appears before him isn't passion, but blood and death. Even so, the decision to commit suicide seems to be a cause for celebration - there is dancing, and the pages are throwing rice as if the day of a royal wedding has arrived. Freddie begins to climb the stairs to take a woman by the hand, only to be stung when she steps on his foot and leaves him in pain. It's not what he wanted. It's not what he hoped for.

And then he notices the angels.

The hall is empty, save for them and Freddie, and the looming visage of Death, who leads Freddie out of the Garden and into the empty hall. The angels take their place at the gates, their stare making it absolutely clear that Freddie has been denied any form of afterlife, and that they are in agreement that he will be alone. He can never go back.

But Freddie has no regrets.

"I'll look back on myself and say 'I did it for love,'" he says, as he offers the first and only smile in the entire video.

He did it for love.

[hazza-bear-care]

I have a request for Kylo Ren! The reader is dating him and she wanted to see how he would react to the I Miss You Daddy 9/11 tribute video on YouTube. After he watches it, he felt a bit emotional and more protective of the reader. He wouldn’t admit it that it got to him and tries to put on a straight face but the reader knows him well enough to know what he really thought of it.

A/N: I had never seen this video, so I watched it to get an understanding of the emotions behind it. I hope this is what you wanted!

Pairing: Modern!Kylo X Reader

Warnings: Mentions of death

Description: Kylo comes home to find you bawling your eyes out. Thinking you’re hurt, he freaks out and tries to figure out what happened and who hurt you. Rather than explain with words, you pull him on the couch and play a video on your laptop.

~~~~~~~

I MISS YOU DADDY

As the background music on the video fades away, you try to stop the tears that are flowing down your face in rivers. In the midst of your fit, Kylo walks in the door. 

“Baby?” He calls, curious as to why you haven’t greeted him yet. He hears a soft sniffle come from the living room and scurries to find you crying. 

“Sweetheart, what happened? Did something happen at work today? I swear if someone touched you they won’t live to see tomorrow!” Kylo’s anger quickly turns to confusion as you gesture to the laptop in front of you. You place the device on the coffee table in front of you and replay the video. 

“It’s been a year, Daddy. I really, really miss you. Mommy says you’re safe now, in a beautiful place called Heaven.” You watch through clouded eyes as the video continues on, gauging Kylo’s reaction to the little girl’s voice echoing through your speakers.  

“We had your favorite dinner tonight! I ate it all up! Even though I don’t like carrots. I learned how to swim this summer. I can even open my eyes when I’m under water! Can you see me?” You start crying again which caused Kylo to wrap an arm around you, his eyes never leaving the screen. You wiped away some tears and kept looking at Kylo, waiting almost too patiently for his reaction to mirror yours. 

“I started kindergarten this year. I carry around a picture of us in my Blues Clues lunchbox. You are the greatest daddy. I can swing on the swing by myself! Even though I miss you pushing me.” The little girl’s voice cracked, and the sound absolutely shattered Kylo’s heart. He kept a straight face though, wanting to see the video through the end, just to understand why you were crying so much and so hard. 

“I miss how you used to tickle me. I try not to cry. Mommy says it’s okay. I know you don’t like it when I cry. You never wanted me to be sad. I try, Daddy, but it hurts.” 

“Is it true you’re not coming home?”

“Maybe someday, I can visit you in heaven, ok?” Kylo’s eyes started watering at this comment, because he knew the little girl’s wish was impossible to fulfill. He quickly swallowed the lump in his throat, and waited to hear what was said next. 

“It’s time for me to go to bed now. I sleep with the light on, just in case you come home and kiss me goodnight.”

“I love you so much. I miss you, Daddy.” The little girl stops talking as the last few piano notes trickle away. Kylo turns to you, his face still as blank as when the video started. More tears fell as your mind raced with questions as to why your strong-willed boyfriend couldn’t drop his shield for once. 

“This is why you’re crying?” You nodded, a confused look glued to your face

“Are you serious, Kylo? This is heartbreaking! All this little girl wants is her daddy back, and she doesn’t understand why he’s never coming home! I was there once too, Kylo! Did you forget about that?!” Your tears were coming faster as you remembered your uncle being crushed under the South Tower as it collapsed. All he wanted to do was save whomever he could, and it cost him his life. 

“I know you too well to know that this didn’t hurt you. You’ve lost people you love too. This little girl shattered your heart, and I can see it in your eyes now that you desperately want to cry. Just let it out, Kylo. Please.” As you begged the man in front of you to show an ounce of sympathy, a single tear had fallen down Kylo’s face. Not because the video was sad, but because he HAD forgotten about everything you had gone through. He quickly crushed you into a hug as his tears were finally released and the two of you sat there, crying together over the sadness that you and the little girl in the video shared. 

~~~~~~

A/N: This was so hard for me to write because 9/11 was such an impact on the entire country, and I really didn’t want to seem like I was making fun of something so tragic. I was fortunate enough to have me grandfather return to me alive after the plane hit the Pentagon, but not everyone is as lucky as I was. If you had any trouble at all reading this, my page is always open to help. 

[i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend]

This Is Me ~ A Bucky Barnes Oneshot

A/N: Hi my lovelies! I hope you all have a great week and for now enjoy this. It’s been kicking around in my head since I watched the Greatest Showman. I really wish I had the skills to do video edits - those of you who do them seriously amaze me. Because if I did I would probably try to actually make what I describe, but alas, all I’ve got is words. I hope it comes across. 

Summary: Peter shows Bucky a youtube tribute video about him 

Characters: Bucky Barnes, feat. Peter Parker, appearance by Tony Stark 

Rating: T 

Warnings: References to Bucky’s torture and other abuse and physical trauma. Not detailed by present nonetheless. 

Word Count: 1095

Disclaimer: Lyrics to This is Me belong to the Greatest Showman team. I do not own them or the characters. Just my plot bunnies. 

“Hey, Bucky, do you want to see a cool youtube video?”

Peter was sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table looking at his computer.

“Depends on what it is. Because if it’s another compilation of Tony Stark’s best drunken tirades, I’ll pass.”

“No. This one’s about you.”

“About me?” Bucky finished making their sandwiches and sat beside him on the floor. “I don’t give enough interviews to have a best drunken tirade compilation.”

“No, it’s not that. It’s a fanvideo,” Peter explained, turning the screen so Bucky could see it.

“What does that mean?”

“Basically someone thought one particular song reminded them of you and put together a video of clips and pictures to the music.”

Bucky understood the concept, but he was confused as to why somewhat would put in the effort for him.

“So, what song reminds people of me?”

“Do you remember the movie the Greatest Showman? We watched it a couple of weeks ago.”

“Is that the one about the circus?”

“Yeah, exactly,” Peter grinned. “Well someone thought the song This is Me applied to you, and they made this video.”

Bucky held his breath as Peter pressed play.

I am not a stranger to the dark Hide away, they say 'Cause we don't want your broken parts I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars Run away, they say No one'll love you as you are

The first few clips and photos were from his Winter Soldier days. They showed him in the chair being wiped. He cringed at the sight, but he understood why they chose the song.  No one should love him.

But I won't let them break me down to dust I know that there's a place for us For we are glorious

They cut to him in his new uniform. It was a news reel from a few weeks ago. He was on the roof of the building, standing in front of the setting sun. He almost looked… heroic.  

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out I am brave, I am bruised I am who I'm meant to be, this is me Look out 'cause here I come And I'm marching on to the beat I drum I'm not scared to be seen I make no apologies, this is me

This whole section showed the footage from his trial. United States vs. Barnes. They attempted to try him for treason. Tony’s pack of lawyers had argued that he had no control over what he did. Bucky had spent those court days stone faced, awaiting judgment. He stood up, answering the questions they asked of him, letting the world and the court get their first real look at him.

Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh

Another round of bullets hits my skin Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in We are bursting through the barricades and Reaching for the sun (we are warriors) Yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become)

When the court had exonerated him, he rejoined the Avengers, doing his best to save the world or whatever part of it he could. The video segued into newsreels of him fighting aliens or crazy villains. It showed him getting civilians to safety, stopping bullets with his vibranium arm. .

I won't let them break me down to dust I know that there's a place for us For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out I am brave, I am bruised I am who I'm meant to be, this is me Look out 'cause here I come And I'm marching on to the beat I drum I'm not scared to be seen I make no apologies, this is me

It cut to him visiting kids in the hospital missing limbs. The first time Pepper had come to ask him to go see them, he had refused outright. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he couldn’t understand why anyone would find comfort in him. But it started with one little girl who had written him several letters, and he finally agreed to see her. And after he saw the joy in her eyes he had visited everyone he could. After the children’s hospitals, it was veterans, and abuse survivors. He made time for anyone who wanted to speak with him.

Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh This is me

and I know that I deserve your love (Oh-oh-oh-oh) 'cause there's nothing I'm not worthy of (Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh) When the sharpest words wanna cut me down I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out This is brave, this is proof This is who I'm meant to be, this is me

It changed to a split screen of the video clip of him and Steve from the Smithsonian where they were laughing and an almost identical video clip from an interview a few weeks before.

Look out 'cause here I come (look out 'cause here I come) And I'm marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on) I'm not scared to be seen I make no apologies, this is me

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out I'm gonna send a flood Gonna drown them out Oh This is me

The final video clip was from his own set of PSA’s that he had been asked to do.

“Hi, I’m Bucky Barnes. And I’m here to tell you that you’re strong and you can make it through this.”

The final card filled the screen.

Thank you, Sergeant Barnes for your service then and now. You inspire me every day to be me.  

 Bucky discreetly wiped away the tears that had formed from some dust getting into his eyes.

“Did you like it?” Peter asked, as he turned off the autoplay feature.

“I did. Thank you for the video, Peter.”

“You’re welcome.”

He sniffed and offered him a watery smile.

“I think Steve left some apple pie hidden in the fridge. Do you want to share?”

“Absolutely.”  

“I’ll be back in a few.”

He clapped him on the shoulder, squeezing gently to convey what he couldn’t quite bring himself to say.

 While Bucky was in the kitchen Tony strolled into the living room.

“Hey, kid. Did Barnes like the video you made him?”

“I think so.” Peter grinned.

 A/N: So yeah, whenever I hear that song. I think of Bucky and all he’s been through. I hope you enjoyed. xoxo

Naynay

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[hollenka99]

Hollywood Forever

Summary: Seán meets up with his Granny's parents and talks to them.

September 14, 2018

Seán walked into the living room, still a little tired from sleep. He was yet to do his hair but that could wait until after breakfast. Nine o'clock had come and gone. He really should get on with everything he was meant to do today. After spending a day and a half playing the Spider-Man game the week before, he didn't have to worry about today's video. What was it, the ninth episode of the series? Either way, the most he needed to do video-wise was double check everything was ready to go.

It was good he had his immediate work sorted for today. He could film another instalment of Funniest Home Videos tonight, keep things easy. There were other things that needed to take priority. Namely, visiting the grave of an actor who died 86 years ago.

"Morning." "Hey. So, what's your plan for today?" Mark asked absentmindedly. "Uh, Hollywood. I've been meaning to visit Jameson while here. If I'm going to do it, today's the best day to see him." "Want me to come with you?" "No, no. It's fine, thanks. It's something I have do alone, you know?" "Sure." Mark nods.

The Uber ride is generally uneventful except for the 15 minutes following the driver learning Seán is going to pay his respects to Jameson Jackson. He doesn't mention his relation to the man, only that he is special to Seán's family. Lord knows that would have added more time to the conversation. Seán is too preoccupied working out what exactly he's going to say once he gets there. By the time the car has arrived at Santa Monica Boulevard, he has checked his bag for the copy of his grandmother's favourite book four times. As he was reassuring himself for the fourth time, his brain had screamed at him to cut it out already. He hadn't taken it out of the bag so it couldn't have gone anywhere. Therefore, he should cease all further checks.

The cemetery wasn't called Hollywood Memorial Park anymore, like it had been in Jameson's day. It was now the Hollywood Forever Cemetery and Seán had no idea where he was going. After wandering for a while, he came across two names he recognised.

                JACKSON JAMESON                SIOBHAN 1887 - 1932            1888 - 1984

"Hey." He stood awkwardly in front of the headstone. "I'm sorry about the Anti stuff. It was Halloween and everyone was expecting it. Can't really do a pumpkin carving video without Anti showing up. That short is one of my favourites from the ones you did though." He falters for a moment.

"I guess I should introduce myself. So... hi, I'm Seán. I'm your great-grandson, which is still crazy to think about. I remember when Granny told me we were related. It was Christmas and I was 10 or 11. I was stuck indoors and super bored so she pulls out all these photos I didn't know she had. A whole bunch of albums. You don't look right without the facial hair. Anything I've seen of you in, out of the ones that have survived, you always have the moustache. So when she shows me a picture where you're super young, like 19 or something, what was I supposed to think? That wasn't you. You weren't... you yet. Which I'm sure makes absolutely no sense."

"It's funny, I'd heard of you because a lot of people have. But when Granny asked if I'd heard of her brother or sisters, nope, not a clue. For a second, she even looked at me like I really needed educating. Which, to be fair, I did. It never clicked why she got all her collection of little animal sculptures as gifts from their creator. I never met any of them. Although, I definitely went to Anthony's funeral with my mother. But that was more on behalf of Granny because she was in hospital. It wasn't like she had to wait that long before seeing him again. My Way is played at funerals ad nauseum so when the video he'd prepared started playing, I rolled my eyes. But, you know what, it was a good pick, given everything he tried to help do in the 50s and 60s. It suited him. I still don't believe he was friends with Sinatra. I swear that was just some story Granny made up to make a 10 year old boy think his great uncle was cool."

Sean finds he is subconsciously seating himself on the grass. It's not quite so daunting now.

"I'm a performer too. Well, I am and I'm not. We have these things called computers now. We can use them for all sorts of things like research, communication and even games. That's where people like me come in. I play a game, record myself doing it and then put it up on the internet for anyone to watch. For some reason, 20 million people have decided they like what I give them. I'm not complaining, it's just insane that so many people want to watch my stuff in the first place. A lot of them are so creative. The art, oh my god, the art. You would not believe the kind of things that come from me just goofing around."

"The tour's one of those things. It's a comedy show where I work out how I became the Jacksepticeye they know today. I've already been all over America. There's only one leg left, the one around Europe. It ends in good ol' Ireland, home sweet home. There's no way I'm not going to go back to all the places I talk about from my childhood. They'll be no rush. Besides, it's not like-" He stops, a deep sigh escaping. "It's not like I have a dog or something that needs me to rush back to Brighton. I'll be able to see Malcolm in Paris though. As for the other three, I'll hopefully hang out with them in Ireland."

"The community was one of the reasons I was a little hesitant to go through with my plans to recreate 'Craving For Beginners'. The community gets so into those kind of videos. And it was going to be personal, no matter what I did. At the same time, it was going to be your 130th birthday, Jameson. So after a bunch of going back and forth, I decided to say screw it. There wasn't much for me to lose. It was just a fun tribute and I wanted to do another pumpkin video. I dressed up as you, posted the teaser photographs on Instagram and suddenly, everyone was getting excited. I took forever to finally say he was an ego. I didn't really want to make him one. It was just one video made for the hell of it, you know. None of the others are based on a real person. Took me until March to tell myself he was a parody of the Jolly Gentleman and therefore fair game. The drawings I've seen since then have been amazing. I swear I saw a Mirror of Erised piece at some point with me instead of Harry Potter. You'd be surprised how many have drawn you looking fondly on or a comparison of my JJ and the real Jolly Gentleman."

"You know, they have a museum in Saint John. It's not only for you, Jameson. It's more... for the three of you. I guess it's kind of Saint John's way of saying 'Hey, these three actors that you might have heard of came from here'. I visited back in July, after performing at the Just For Laughs festival. It had a bunch of old photographs and letters, all donated by the family, of course. There's a small section on Thaddaeus House for the Disadvantaged, which is still functional by the way. This woman that worked there was super enthusiastic. She liked telling me everything about every photograph I looked at. And I thought I was over the top at times. One thing I will say, while it's cool that there's a photograph from the 1890s, when your family didn't have access to that kind of thing, I'm glad society and mortality rates have moved on so pictures like that aren't a thing anymore. God, it would be like if Alison had to sit next to me after I'd... you know. Yeah, that change was for the better. Apart from all that, it was a really interesting visit. Oh, one of the letters mentioned you visiting Ireland and briefly staying at a 'geometrically challenged village' in County Offaly." He laughs at the phrase. Who knows how many times it's made him chuckle. "Yeah, that's Cloghan for you."

Seán pauses, unsure what he wants to say next. He should talk about the book. He didn't bring it all the way to Los Angeles just for the sake of it. The problem is how to transition from the museum to his grandmother's favourite children's book. From seemingly nowhere, thoughts of the soldier brothers show up. His mouth begins moving before he's fully aware of it.

"This one time I was telling Granny about this game called Metal Gear Solid. There's a bit of violence involved. Guns and explosives, that kind of thing. Immediately, and I mean immediately, she starts going on about the medals. 'Don't go breaking your poor mother's heart like that, will you, Seán.' Do I honestly look like someone who'd sign up? Even back then, I was too busy playing videos games or running around like an idiot to think about doing something like that when I was older. Granny would have been in her late teens when it happened so I'm not surprised it stuck with her. She always insisted you were doing somersaults down there. Not sure where the actual medals are now though."

"One thing I do have is this." That's it. Well done, Seán. Good transition. From his bag, he pulls out the worn old book that had seen decades of use. "First edition, signed. She never got rid of it. I'll admit it's seen better days but it has been over 80 years. If I looked hard enough, I could probably find the sellotaped pages from when Uncle Dennis was tiny and got his hands on it. She took it with her to Ireland when she was a girl, read it to her kids and then let us read it when we were little. Every time I went there for the holidays or whatever, there it was. She had the other editions too. But this was the one she cared the most about. When her leg got infected, she couldn't recognise me and soon she was just... gone. I was, uh, 16, I think? We were all clearing the house because Gramps had died before I was born so it was going to be empty. We're packing all her books into boxes, you know, and I pick up this one. I don't know why but I start flicking through it, which leads to me actually reading a bit of it and Mum telling me I should go home and do homework or whatever if I wasn't going to help. It's technically Mum's now. God knows why Granny specifically picked Mum to pass it down to. Maybe because she's the eldest? It can't be because I was still at home. Hazel's the youngest grandchild. Either way, when I asked Mum if I could take this to LA, she told me she'd have my head if anything happened to it. I don't blame her. This isn't a heirloom as such, at least I don't see it as an heirloom, but it definitely has a hell of a lot of sentimental value. Without a doubt, her favourite scene is the one about rescheduling."

"Granny cared. Mum might not be that fussed about being your granddaughter but Granny tried to get us interested. I mean, Siobhan, I think you lived long enough to meet three of us so you had a little hand in that. I don't know if she saw what I could become but she definitely noticed I was likely to become a big fan of your movies. Which, in fact, I did. It's a good thing she was the youngest of your children, especially with siblings so much older than her. Whenever I felt fed up with everyone leaving home, she was there to remind me one day I'd be an adult who could visit my brothers and sisters whenever I wanted. She also understood my worries about Dad. I know I'm going to have to say goodbye to him sooner than most people. The guy's 82 now and only 9 years younger than her. She'd just tell me stories she'd heard about the two of you. Made me feel better most of the time."

He stays there for a few minutes. It's nearly lunchtime now and the sun is getting stronger. He should probably wrap this up and find somewhere in the shade to eat. He's practically exhausted all topics he wanted to talk about. Packing the book into his bag again, he slowly gets up.

"Thanks for all the stuff you made. I know some of it was lost because that kind of thing is somewhat inevitable after such a long time. I wish everything had survived but the stuff that did last is still great today. Back when I was a kid, I used my connection to you as bragging rights. 'I'm related to someone famous and you're not', that sort of thing. I don't think I said it enough to sound like an asshole but... I said it enough. I'm sorry for the namedropping. The truth is, I'm proud to say I'm your great-grandson. It's pretty cool, knowing we're related. So, yeah... thank you for everything. Especially for not stopping at six kids because uh, kinda wouldn't be here if you had. Maybe I should swing by again one day. Depends on how things work out. I'll see you."

Seán heads back to the entrance, glad to have spent some time with his family.

[tuneful-ramblings]

The Kick Inside - Kate Bush: Album Review

Release Date: 17th Feb 1978

Hello

And so it has begun. Welcome to Tuneful Ramblings, where I plan to review/discuss a wide variety of music, whether it’s music I’ve loved for years, something I’ve just discovered or something someone has requested me to review. Oh, and one last thing: There will be rambling. You have been warned. :)

What is it to me?

I’ve chosen to begin with one of my all time favourite albums by one of my all time favourite artists. There will probably be a fair amount of bias in this review, and I’m not sorry about it.

The Context

Picture the scene. It’s 1978, Britain. Things are okay, but something is missing and no one is quite sure why. Until… hark! A distant warbling can be heard over the rolling English countryside. It gets closer and closer until it lands amongst the mortals and suddenly, everything falls into place. For the first time, Kate Bush graces the speakers and screens of anyone brave enough to listen. And all across the land, everything is well.

The Tracks

1) Moving ‘Don’t think it over, it always takes you over’ The Kick Inside’s first track, Moving begins with 20 seconds of whale noises (because why the hell not?), establishing the somewhat meditative atmosphere of the album. I can’t name any other songs that start in this way. (Actually, I can, and I will in a minute.) Anyway, after those 20 seconds, the whale is upstaged by Bush’s famously high songbird-like call. Shockingly, she sings about movement in this song, apparently as a tribute to her mime instructor. It does have a kind of rhythm that makes me want to sway, so I guess she succeeded there. I’m no drummer, but I must say that the soft drumstick tapping and occasional quiet cymbal are pleasantly relaxing. Moving is not my top pick from the album, but I like it more each time I hear it. Ramble Rating: 8/10

2) The Saxophone Song ‘Of all the stars I’ve seen that shine so brightly, / I’ve never known or felt in myself so rightly’ The second song on the album begins with, you guessed it, more whale noises! It always strikes me how young and sprightly Bush’s voice sounds in this song. I can’t believe she was around my age when some of these songs were recorded (and I’m still fresh out of the womb). Honestly, I’m not entirely sure of the song’s meaning (and why should I be? I didn’t write the blinkin’ thing), but it’s the kind of tune that very easily gets stuck in my head. Long story short though, if you like the sounds of whales and saxophones, you’ll probably enjoy this one. Ramble Rating: 8/10

3) Strange Phenomena ‘You pick up a paper. You read a name. / You go out. It turns up again and again.’ Strange Phenomena explores the link between female energy and the universe, and the psychic powers women are said to gain around that time of the month. Previously to hearing this song, I wasn’t aware of this myth, and I’m not sure if I can testify in favour of it because I like to think I’m quite psychic all the time, regardless of the ‘phase of the moon’. Only quite psychic though, not enough to make a living out of it. But yes, as someone who experiences a lot of coincidences *cough* accurate premonitions *cough* in my every day life, the lyrics of this song speak to me. Ramble Rating: 8/10

4) Kite ‘I got no limbs, I’m like a feather on the wind / I’m not sure if I want to be up here at all’ I always assumed this song was simply about escapism but, upon revision, I’ve discovered it’s true that if you assume, you really do make an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me’. With mention of Beelzebub and not knowing ‘how to get down’, I now theorize that Kite may revolve around being coerced to leave your life behind based on someone else’s promises and then regretting it. Or maybe not. I don’t know. Ramble Rating: 7/10

5) The Man with the Child in His Eyes ‘Maybe he doesn’t love me / I just took a trip on my love for him’ This beautiful song is almost a lullaby, rocking our inner children to sleep. Maybe our inner children can learn from our outer elders. Or maybe we can learn from others with inner children. Okay, I’m done. Ramble Rating: 9/10

6) Wuthering Heights ‘Too long I roam in the night / I’m coming back to his side, to put it right’  Wuthering Heights was Kate’s first big hit and is probably her most iconic track. Now, I don’t want to sound dramatic here, but this song changed my life. After rediscovering this video a couple of years ago, I fell in love with three things: Kate Bush, Noel Fielding and Emily Bronte’s novel, Wuthering Heights. I’m not going to bore you with the details, but, long story short, I can see many aspects of my life and creativity which have been influenced in some way by this holy trinity. For that, I am eternally grateful. Oh yes, and at some point, I taught myself the entire dance routine from Bush’s ‘red dress’ Wuthering Heights music video. No regrets. I’m sure it’ll come in handy one day… Ramble Rating: 10/10

7) James and the Cold Gun ‘You’re a coward James / You’re running away from humanity / You’re running out on reality’ I don’t know who James is, but this song is lit. Yep, I really did just say that. I don’t know how else to describe it. You just have to hear it for yourself. I dare you to listen to this song without tapping your foot. Ramble Rating: 9/10

8) Feel It ‘The glorious union, well, it could be love / Or it could be just lust but it will be fun’ Tracks 8, 9 and 10 appear to be a collection of songs about love. Feel It is a rather sensual song, and I’m not sure quite what to say about it. I do really like it though, and it’s certainly another earworm. Ramble Rating: 8/10

9) Oh to Be in Love ‘I could have been anyone / You could have been anyone’s dream’ As a friend of mine once said, Oh to Be in Love is a very theatrical song. I don’t know about you, but it makes me want to parade about doing some kind of improvise musical theatre routine (who am I kidding, that is what I do!). It also makes me want to be in love with someone who isn’t a fictional character portrayed by Colin Firth (or indeed, Colin Firth himself). But I suppose that’s a story for another day. Ramble Rating: 7/10

10) L'Amour Looks Something Like You ‘The thought of you sends me shivery / I’m dressed in lace, sailing down a black reverie’ This is another track which has grown on me over time. It is nice. I like it. Wow, my reviewing skills are second to none right now. (My apologies, it’s gone midnight, but I’m determined to get this post finished today, it’s been far too long in the making.) This song often catches me out because the little twinkle at the very beginning sounds a lot like Wuthering Heights. Ramble Rating: 8/10

11) Them Heavy People ‘I must work on my mind / For now I realize / Everyone of us has a heaven inside’ I think Them Heavy People is all about potential we all hold within us. This is something that I think many people forget, or lack confidence in, as I’ve always believed that half of succeeding at something is believing that you can do it. The song is also a bop. Ramble Rating: 8/10

12) Room for the Life ‘Like it or not, we were built tough / Because we’re woman’ I’m not entirely sure whether this song is a celebration of motherhood or of womanhood in general, but, regardless, it has a lovely, jaunty, reggae-ish beat, and stands out from the rest of the album, sound-wise. I recall a recent episode of BBC’s Pointless where one of the three questions in the final round was to try to guess a song from The Kick Inside that could be pointless (meaning that none of the people in the ‘survey’ had said it), and the lady answering seemed to have merged Room for the Life with Them Heavy People, resulting her answering with ‘Heavy Woman’. Oh how I did chuckle. Besides that, Room for the Life makes me feel that, although I don’t particularly want to have a baby, it’s nice to know that I can. Ramble Rating: 7/10

13) The Kick Inside ‘Your sister I was born. / You must lose me like an arrow, / Shot into the killer storm.’ And last, but certainly not least, we come to the title track, The Kick Inside. The first time I listened to this track, I thought it was all well and good, until I heard ‘Your sister I was born’, and, well, I was rather disturbed and taken aback. I knew there must have been some interesting meaning behind the song’s incestuous tone, so I headed straight to the Kate Bush Encyclopedia, to find that it was inspired by a traditional folk song called Lucy Wan. This is probably the saddest song on the album, as it is essentially a suicide note written by a woman who has become pregnant with her brother’s baby and feels she must kill herself to save his reputation. Ramble Rating: 10/10

And on that light-hearted note, we have reached the end of this journey. Don’t expect my future reviews to be quite this long. It is only because this is one of my favourite albums that I had so much to say about it. Do let me know what you think of The Kick Inside, and please leave any requests for music you would like me to review next. :)

OVERALL RAMBLE RATING FOR ‘THE KICK INSIDE’ ALBUM: 8.2/10